Have a kid by myself. Lives with me full time.
I know a fair number of people from way back, some quite close. Never see them. Once or twice a year at most.
Befriending other parents as an unmarried man is difficult. Working 60-100 weeks makes it nearly impossible.
There is no real relationship if it’s only texting or the very occasional phone call. My friends and family are like figments from the past and those odd flashes are painful reminders that we’ve all more or less moved on.
It isn’t their fault. They have their own families to worry about. I hate asking to get together, even for a simple playground visit with the kids. They’re always busy and plans never materialize afterwards. I feel like a third wheel or like I’m trying to get them to “adopt” us.
I can tolerate that, but my daughter can’t. It’s not fair for me to keep her in a situation with no kids to play with, no family interested in paying her much attention, and alone with a Dad with no social prospects.
I finally cracked after attempting to make plans with several different friend groups/parents. It was like organizing a fucking UN summit for a two-hour play date.
So I blocked everyone and moved 2000 miles away near my daughter’s side of the family. Her life has improved immensely. Suddenly she’s got a neighborhood and kids to play with. Her side of the family loves her. It’s wonderful, truly.
My life hasn’t changed much. I see and talk to people virtually the same amount as I did before. I think about reaching out to people I blocked. I stop myself: Their lives haven’t changed much either due to us moving.
That’s the most painful thing. We can moralize over friendship, loyalty, but the reality is we’re strangers with an ancient history, and the inertia of the modern world prohibits our paths from crossing. That and a slow drift of values and priorities over two decades. No solution to this.
Meeting new people as a mid thirties single dad is not easy, try as I might.
The thought of intimacy, platonic or not, exhausts me.
Not looking for advice or pity.
Sharing this for others, and to get it off my chest.