u/DedlyDisruktion_12

I want to preface that I'm open to all feedback. Now, since this is the first page, I think it's especially important that it establishes tone and voice and character. I want to know what you think the setting is. However, sentence/paragraph structure and construction is important, physical detail. Everything.

**

It skittered somewhere beyond the lantern’s dim light. Somewhere in the long shadows cast by the barrels and crates.
The lantern groaned as Ava raised her arm. The rat was hiding somewhere. Among the smell of the crushed grains and hang-dried herbs. The cat shifted in one hand. Tucked between her arm and chest. It had soft, clean gray fur, the color of clouds before a storm.
“You hear it, Squall?” Ava stroked the cat’s chest with her pointing and middle finger.
The cat meowed, kicking his back legs and finding footing on Ava’s vest.
Ava scoffed. “You better not be scratching my clothes.”
The quick pitter stopped in one corner of the shed. Ava set the lantern down on the barrel closest to where the rat last made a sound. She held Squall toward the dark. He let out a hiss and kicked all four of his legs, his head and eyes fixing on something behind one of the piles of crates. Squall leapt forward and Ava’s grip around him loosened.
Ava hunched over the barrel and tried to find Squall in the darkness. His claws scraped against the stone flooring. Then stopped. He came out from behind the crates with his teeth dug into the rat’s neck. He dragged the rodent along the floor, and its tail still flicked back and forth.
“Eugh.” Ava picked up the lantern and stood upright. “Is it dead?”
Ava stepped away from the cat as he came up to her feet. He looked up, the color of his eyes reflecting the light of the lantern.
She shook her head. “I’m not picking you back up while you’re holding that thing. Let’s get it out of here.”
Squall followed Ava to the doorway. She hung the lantern from a small iron hook beside the doorway and blew it out. The door’s hinges squealed as it opened. The late afternoon sun poured into the shed. She shielded her eyes. Squall came out after her.

**

I want to preface that I'm open to all feedback. Now, since this is the first page, I think it's especially important that it establishes tone and voice and character. I want to know what you think the setting is. However, sentence/paragraph structure and construction is important, physical detail. Everything.

**

It skittered somewhere beyond the lantern’s dim light. Somewhere in the long shadows cast by the barrels and crates.
The lantern groaned as Ava raised her arm. The rat was hiding somewhere. Among the smell of the crushed grains and hang-dried herbs. The cat shifted in one hand. Tucked between her arm and chest. It had soft, clean gray fur, the color of clouds before a storm.
“You hear it, Squall?” Ava stroked the cat’s chest with her pointing and middle finger.
The cat meowed, kicking his back legs and finding footing on Ava’s vest.
Ava scoffed. “You better not be scratching my clothes.”
The quick pitter stopped in one corner of the shed. Ava set the lantern down on the barrel closest to where the rat last made a sound. She held Squall toward the dark. He let out a hiss and kicked all four of his legs, his head and eyes fixing on something behind one of the piles of crates. Squall leapt forward and Ava’s grip around him loosened.
Ava hunched over the barrel and tried to find Squall in the darkness. His claws scraped against the stone flooring. Then stopped. He came out from behind the crates with his teeth dug into the rat’s neck. He dragged the rodent along the floor, and its tail still flicked back and forth.
“Eugh.” Ava picked up the lantern and stood upright. “Is it dead?”
Ava stepped away from the cat as he came up to her feet. He looked up, the color of his eyes reflecting the light of the lantern.
She shook her head. “I’m not picking you back up while you’re holding that thing. Let’s get it out of here.”
Squall followed Ava to the doorway. She hung the lantern from a small iron hook beside the doorway and blew it out. The door’s hinges squealed as it opened. The late afternoon sun poured into the shed. She shielded her eyes. Squall came out after her.

**