Some background. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 12 years now. We met when she was 18 and I was 21, we did collage together first jobs together, etc etc…In July 2025 We went on an amazing trip for our 11 year anniversary and I purposed. She said yes.
Some additional context she was layed off of her dream job just before our big trip and although she got a nice severance, money has been extremely tight ever since the trip. So I understand that a wedding IS NOT in the cards for quite some time.
Recently after going to one of our friends wedding we had a disagreement because she stated that her dream wedding was the 2 of us going on vacation in a foreign county eloping just the 2 of us (nobody else from our lives no friends or family) and then honeymooning at that country. However I want a traditional wedding. I understand where she’s coming from she grew up in an unstable home and was bullied growing up so she really doesn’t like being the center of attention. I on the other hand was also bullied a lot growing up but grew up feeling like nobody ever picked me or wanted me so I really like the idea of a single day where our friends and family are going out of their way for us. When I expressed this she very directly stated that she did not want a wedding and when I tried to offer compromises like have friends come to our destination elopement even if it was just 1 friend she shot it down saying no. I offered just having our immediate family (parents and my brother) at the elopement and to have my brother standing up there at the “alter” with me and she said no.
I’m hoping once she finds work and our financial situation improves she might change her mind, but I’m looking for advice for if she doesn’t change her mind cause I’m having a difficult time thinking about this situation. Because I want to honor her wishes but I also don’t want to ignore my own wishes.