I won't deny that I'm missing you at times, Beb
It has been weeks since you ended things between us. My world fell apart when you said those hurtful words. I never had the chance to fully open what was going on that time, but I know that you are here, and even in the slightest chance possible, sana mabasa mo ito.
During those times, I kept applying work around your new school. There were days na puro pagaantay lang sa update ng mga company as if I'm waiting for something that won't happen. It took a toll on me and nawawala na ako sa sarili and sa mood ko. Nagiging frustrated na rin ako that time kasi I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be physically near you so that I can provide you comfort, and company during your weakest and proudest days. It broke my heart dati na nahihirapan ka nang ikaw lang. How I wished that time na malapit tayo sa isa't isa, mahagkan man lang kita at mapawi ko yung nararamdaman mo. I kept on applying that time, and I even told you na hinold ko yung pagaapply ko kasi I wanted to be with you first para makapag-focus ako sayo nang walang iniintindi, but without your knowledge, I kept on applying, hoping to land a job near you so that I could be with you, provide you care and comfort, make you happy, and accompany you.
That day, the moment you said those words, everything fell apart. I started to feel a resentment when you said those words noong nagkaroon na ng misunderstanding. I tried and tried to make myself believe na hindi mo sinabi yung salita na yun, kasi alam ko na mahal mo ako. But that time, I felt insufficient. I thought that you really did love me, but those words cut too deep.
I hoped that time na hindi mo ako minahal dahil ako yung convenient, and andiyan palagi para sayo. But nasaktan ako na nakabase yung pagmamahal mo sa akin sa emotion and mood mo. I never demanded anything from you. I never asked for conditions if I was to do something for you. I introduced you to my family because I was sure of you and I know na handa ka nilang tanggapin, and ganoon ka rin sa kanila. Pero why did I feel insufficient? I I know na puro ako biro at kalokohan, pero deep in me mahal na mahal kita, and I never had any second thoughts noong ipinakilala kita.
I planned my visit to you that time, hindi ko lang sinsabi kasi gusto kita i-surprise. I wanted the first flowers and letters that you'll receive from me is ako mismo in person magbibigay. Kakain pa sana tayo sa buffet and that we will really enjoy each other's company. But it went down, and I tried to save whatever was going on between us.
How I wish that you really loved me enough to respect me during the times of fight and conflict. Your words felt with so much contempt. Minahal kita sa paraang kaya ko. Minahal kita sa patuloy kong pagkilala sayo.
Mahal kita, palagi at sobra...