u/DebateNewt

i’m 18. i’ve been dealing with this for six years. my parents sideline me. they’ve been treating me and my sisters worse and worse every year, especially my mom. she’s been in a series of stressful jobs during those years, and she’s been taking it out on us. every afternoon when she’d pick me and my younger sister from school shed cuss us out over stupid shit, like not smiling enough, or serving mates too fast or too slow, and she would get on our cases for feeling down or not smiling after a day at school, when clearly we were just tired. she’d think we were sad or angry abt smth she did. very basic run through, may seem like i’m blowing it out of proportion and maybe i am, but last year, my last year of school, i had to write an essay abt what i thought my purpose in life was. i wrote that my purpose in life was to love others and make others feel loved and happy. in said essay, i wrote abt my experience in those six (going on seven) years of self harm, and the way my mom would treat us kids and how it got worse year after year, especially after my grandfather died of neumonia while recovering from cancer. my parents found out because the tutor i had assigned to me, read the essay and told them abt it. mom sat me down to talk abt it after she found out abt it, and as i told her my reasons, she said “oh so i’m the reason you hurt yourself?”. she thought she was the reason. i told her that no, but she made a huge fuss about it, yelled at me, “how could you do this when we do so much to keep you alive” and what not. the usual ig. a month later, during summer vacation, i got the urge again and went to my dad. told him that i was feeling like cutting myself again, and that i wanted to go home, all while crying. i never cry, but i was devastated last summer. he laughed in my face abt it, told me that the next time i cut myself i should show him. apparently they don’t quite believe me, even though i wrote a whole ass essay abt it but oh well. same thing abt my sexuality, they think i say i’m bisexual just cause i want attention. picked up smoking and they found out today. didnt give à shit. so this time i took a picture, so that he’d realize it’s a real fucking problem. anyway this is getting to long. i hope you understand, this is a little all over the place, and im skipping a few details abt some things, but i don’t know what to do, and i’m afraid i’ll end up dead. idk anymore. sorry for the horrible spelling and the tildes on some letters, english isnt my first language.