u/DeathWish_999

Hi, I am 17F turning 18 in October.

Anyways I applied for Suny and Cuny colleges, got accepted into all of them and I lost motivation to want to commit into any college because some issues with my mom and fights about me moving too fast, and money etc.

The only reason I applied bc the school I go to now is a transfer so instead of graduating 2027 I got my credits to graduate 2026 (technically my proper time since I got left back n second grade for missing 80+ days)

But then after a bit I chose to commit to Suny Brockport, I just needed to do my deposit. But my father passed away February 18th 2026 unexpectedly. He didn't live with me (not for any bad reasons, parents just never married and broke up when I was little but he's a amazing dad).

I still did the deposit after and the college tour but lately I just have that feeling again that I just don't want to do college, but everyone so excited and I told my dad I would before he died (but he wouldn't care if I chose not to).

I feel so numb and honestly so done with school and I want to move out from my mom but I don't want to move to college anymore.

I don't have the motivation or the joy, but my mom told basically the whole family and block I'm going to college plus I did my deposit, Fasf, and TAP already so I don't want to feel like I disappointed anyone or wasted anyone time. But I honestly just don't want to do college, I just want to be free, get a job, earn money and work up to my own apartment.

It's not like my family big on college, my mom had me at 15 never finished HS and never went to college, same thing for her other 7 siblings (they all dropouts i think, except the 2 youngest) and her mom.

On my dad's side, they are big on college. My aunt, grandma and grandpa, but my dad dropped out of college and worked in a hospital as a cook.

My aunt seems so proud and excited for me but honestly I'm so over everything, my grandma she passed two years ago, she was my second mother my best friend and now I don't have my dad or her. I don't see any point in doing things anymore.

Yeah I have my grandpa, aunt, mom and half sisters and brother but I feel alone, I'm not excited for graduation or turing 18 or going to college.

Do you think I shouldn't tell my mom I don't want to college bc this feeling will pass or should I just tell her and start thinking of a different future working no school?