So I’ve been on HRT for almost a year now, and lately I have been compulsively ruminating over if an orchiectomy would be something I’m okay with or not. Despite me not being able to get one in near future, the existential nature of the dilemma has already been wrecking my mental the past few days.
On one hand, I deeply desire the euphoria that I get when I tuck so that I have a nice flat bottom area, and looking good in a bikini bottom. Problem is, it is way too uncomfortable on my balls, and feels like they’re getting crushed. Makes me feel nauseous. So I basically just can’t have that flat look comfortably. So getting an orchiectomy would help with that.
I’ve been quite conflicted over my feelings on how they look by themselves without tucking with and without panties on. Sometimes I find them cute but other times I feel like they’re taking up space where I don’t want to be taking up space. The way they exist feels like extra weight I have to always be concerned about since they are also more sensitive after starting HRT.
A counter-point to getting an orchiectomy, would be how I feel when I just have my hands cupping them like holding something for comfort. I think I’ve always had that habit, and it does feel nice to me. And on HRT, that labial skin has softened really nicely. It’s something that feels really familiar, and I am afraid that losing that will feel like I’ve lost something that brought me comfort.
Something that I ponder would be if even with my balls were removed, if I could feel a similar comfort cupping my hands over the same area. That it would just take some time to get used to the new sensation.
tldr:
I really want the euphoria that comes with not having to worry about a bulge and just feeling like a pretty girl wearing clothes without worrying about feeling like something’s poking out a bit too much. But also afraid of losing something can feel comforting at times. A part of me that feels familiar, and that I do find cute sometimes.
This has been me venting about it. I hope I can hear from those who might have come across similar feelings as I have had. To gain more perspective on this sort of thing.
Thanks!