u/Dear_Draw_5401

I wanna quit but they are the only thing that keeps me going, the only thing that I look forward to, my life is so miserable and I don’t even think that I will live to 21 :/

So I was bullied really bad to the point that I was sobbing every morning and begging my mom to let me stay home, for a while the violent thoughts were directed to only the people that were bullying me, I moved to a different country all together but the thoughts and everything else horrible never left,
Lately the thoughts transformed to just everyone, and its constant, very graphic and weirdly pleasing to think about, I think that I wont act on those thoughts but it’s really worrying me that I even think about it in the first place, is there any way to tone it all down?