Hormones stopped working and I don’t know why
I need some advice, I feel like I’m going insane.
Back in early February, I changed my (DIY) hrt regimen from pills (2mg, twice daily; 50mg bicalutamide, once daily) to injections (cypionate, 5mg weekly); reasons twofold, to both minimise deleterious effects on my liver, and because I simply couldn’t afford it any more. Even on that low dosage, pills worked for me: my skin was clear, I was having breast growth, I could feel emotions again; it possibly was the happiest 6 months I ever had. Same for the injections, which for the first month were equal if not better, even from first dosage.
In March, I started noticing weird changes like BO returning and greasy hair, and my mood was terrible. Initially, I didn’t think anything of it; but, as it got worse, I was horrified to realise my injections weren’t working just one month into use. Knowing I’d stored it correctly and it hadn’t cored, I presumed I’d gotten a bad vial and ordered another (from Open Gate Labs), which arrived two weeks ago. Now, even after my second dosage on this different vial, I still feel nothing! I’m injecting exactly where I was when it worked, but I feel exactly like I did pre-hrt. In a moment of desperation, I even gave myself a 7mg dose this week and that didn’t change anything either.
Without divulging too much about myself, I live in England at least 7 years out from any gender appointment on the NHS, and I’m incredibly poor (benefits-level poor, doing part-time manual labour as the job market just doesn’t exist despite me being a top Russel Group degree holder). I do not have savings - even that second vial for ~£100 has put me in a difficult financial position. I’d start pills again in a heartbeat and risk the liver damage if it meant I could get back to how I was, but, again, it is financially impossible for me at this time; which will not change for the foreseeable future. Yes, there are factors in my life that could mess with my hormones: I’m violently depressed, I’m an insomniac (worsening since this new stress started to a degree where it’s ruining my day-to-day life), I don’t get much food, I drink too much; but all of these have been constants in my life for years, so I don’t get how any of them could suddenly stop all hormone absorption like flicking a switch, seemingly overnight! I even quit drinking in April and made a disciplined effort to eat healthy just to make sure it wasn’t those that were doing it, and that did nothing either!
This has been a nightmare I can’t get out of, and it’s so much worse knowing there’s literally no medical support I could get from in-person doctors. I’m in the dark, blindly stabbing myself in the legs with needles each week and watching the clock run, worrying I’ll start losing my hair again. I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified. If there’s ANY info you could offer, it’d mean the world.