u/Dear-Security-8596

23F here. The guy (25M) I’m currently seeing we matched on hinge, we’ve been seeing each other for almost a month. It’s going ok but the whole time I’ve had an off feeling, idk exactly what it is. Part of it is the feeling that I like him more than he likes me. He’s clearly interested somewhat because he keeps seeing me but I feel like he’s not really into me, that maybe he’s just here for the companionship

I think he’s really sweet and good looking and has a lot of qualities compatible with me, and I genuinely think I could see him as a serious partner, but I struggle to relax and enjoy it when I feel anxious like this

All my friends in long term relationships say stuff like that they knew they were the one from the first date

My job involves looking after mentally ill patients and part of that is home visits and we make a judgment of their home cleanliness/tidiness as it tends to reflect their mental state.

It‘s giving me a bit of a reality check because I live alone and my apartment is so messy I think it could rival some of the patients that we judge. I‘m not a hoarder or anything I’m just so lazy at cleaning i leave shit everywhere and then I can never vacuum because there’s always stuff on the floor. Outwardly it’s fine I maintain personal hygiene and dress well but theres a reason I never host anyone at my place it’s actually disgusting. Lowkey it’s stressing me out and kind of ruining my life, I struggle to do anything productive at home because of the mess, I normally have to go to the library to do admin

I’ve tried like every technique I can think of to clean it over the last year but it’s so hard I just think about it then avoid it by going to sleep. If I try to plan to do it in the morning I stay in bed all day