u/Dazzling_Town_2953

idk where to start but imma just say whats on my mind i hope anyone going through the same thing can tell me how they’re handling it or what they’re planning to do im 27 muslim and i actually graduated from al azhar in arabic and i have this thing or maybe its a trial from god idk but im biologically male and inside i feel like or want to express myself as a girl its been 3 years of self discovery till i was sure i really wanna be a girl but i havent started anything yet no hrt no therapy nothing just stuff im feeling on my own i try to stick to my prayers hoping maybe god guides me if this is like a sickness or something but honestly im shy to even pray bc i feel like im doing something haram and i really wanna obey god and not go against his orders at the same time im in egypt and my whole family and friends are super religious so no one knows anything and it would be dangerous if they did the environment i live in is too risky to start hrt or even think about transitioning and im tryna find any way to leave the country but im just so lost if i start hrt now id be in serious danger and i feel like im already way too late to start anyway i just wanna look in the mirror and be okay with myself i love who i am but i still cant accept me and i’ve become so sensitive i cry over anything or just wanna cry for no reason i really dont know what to do i feel like i'm suffocating and i dont wanna do anything that makes god angry if anyone is going through this struggle pls tell me how u deal with it im tryna find a therapist just to confirm im actually a trans girl and get a proper diagnosis then figure out how to leave sorry for the long post but i really need advice