u/Dazzling_Fault_1443

I don’t want to give too much detail but this has been a long relationship. Throughout the relationship I have been subject to silent treatment, assaults, abuse, cheating, lies, false claims.
I spend so much time trying to forgive, she doesn’t want me to be in a relationship with her. She is chasing other people. I live with her and we have children. Everyday I’m tortured by not knowing what is going on and shut down and belittled when I ask anything. My head is destroyed, she has had two secret relationship possibly three. When she was found out she barely gave any information but then later I found out more and she had lied a lot. I recently found out more and I’m so distraught. I don’t know what she wants, I try my best, but I’m going insane. I don’t know how to leave because my mind keeps saying that these things didn’t happen, that she wouldn’t do it to me. But she did, and I really want to let go. I have no friends or family or anywhere else I can go. I feel like I have no choice. She will punish me for leaving. I can’t take it anymore. I need help. I need to leave. I need to not hold on. Not to big myself up but I know I’m worth more than this, I’m good looking and patient and kind and do my best always. I don’t know how to escape and it’s feeling more and more like I’m going to do something stupid.