Has anyone else experienced this?
When I was little I’d often get yelled at (in my terms yelled at but I’m sensitive to harsh tones). They’d (adults/teachers) tell me to stop crying in the middle of a panic attack and scold me. Some even would back me against a wall and scold me that way, it freaked me out. Seemingly with nothing wrong with my behavior, one time I knocked to loud while a teacher was teaching for example. I was around 7th grade when this happened and 9th too. Im in 10th now for reference.
Since 7th grade I’ve learned to not open up my emotions, I had a very high wall built up for so long. Back then I was an in iop program (outpatient for mental health). I was sobbing and randomly when the therapist walked out I stoped crying like full stop. Only because I’ve learned that way it felt like an inconvenience for the therapist well what I told myself. That was the first time I got called manipulative and attention seeking.
I’ve been in and out of hospitals and different situations from when I was younger. (I’m saying younger as in 11-15) throughout those experiences I’ve gotten really good on what I’ve needed to say to get out of certain situations. I also know what I need to say to get into certain situations but that doesn’t happen unless I’m desperate. Desperate as in I do not feel safe with myself or with adult supervision.
My emotions can go from 0-100 basically in seconds, but adults think it’s random. More often than not once I start crying I can’t stop for hours if I do stop it starts back up again very easily and within a few minutes. I feel like I’m too unstable to stay in class. Anyone can say or do anything unexpectedly at any time.
My parents think I might be high functioning autistic. I have texture problems with food and clothing, “behavior issues” as in talking back, but to me it’s not talking back it’s just I say things that I feel are needed to be said. I can’t keep my mouth shut. I don’t pick up on social clues and I can’t genuinely can’t emphasize with how others feel. Lights, people and noises are too much for me if I’m already overstimulated and I shut down. I also shut down on getting questioned specifically by adults.
I don’t go and ask for help unless I really need it. While yes those walls are coming down they are still up. Everything builds and comes down at one time. Due to this I often get labeled as attention seeking, manipulative. When I do ask for help. Sometimes even when I’m talking.
I’m in this one class. The teacher is super layed back shows movies all the time. I often stand with my friends and talk at a low volume. She called that behavior in the meeting attention seeking.
Another example is in history I ask questions related to the topic about what my teacher thinks with said topics. Example is I asked him if he thinks we’re repeating history (USA), and what he thinks about 18 year olds going to war but they legally can’t get cigarettes. After that he stoped calling on me for anything, like if I needed paper (he keeps it in his desk) or even as simple as can I plug my iPad in. He considers this attention seeking, well I think. There’s genuinely no thoughts behind his eyes I don’t think he’s conscious yet 💀.
Has anyone else run into this in school?
(Im also OFFICIALLY diagnosed with ADHD, Clinical Depression, and Anxiety with social anxiety)