A few weeks ago, I posted about how my married ex reached out to me about a health concern. I went ahead and listened to what everyone said: I didn’t open the door.
Weeks passed. Life finally started to feel good again. I am finally out there, starting to meet new people.
Until he messaged again. He asked if he could drop by the clinic. I was furious. I hate his wife. I believe he cheated on me with her (I am not sure). Plus, obviously, she married someone I loved. I got angry and said, “Last time I checked, you were still married. So no, you can’t.”
He said he would bring his wife too. He said he trusts my medical opinion.
Now, did I know him bringing his wife would stir emotions? Yes. Did I agree to it? Yes. Did that man show up with his wife? No.
Apparently, she backed out at the last moment and told him she trusts him (I don’t know).
He showed up at the clinic without his wife. He sat in front of me.
Now, I’m a very moral person with strong sense of self. All this time, the only thing going through my head was that my parents would be so ashamed that I fell for what an inconsistent loser is doing. Why can’t I hold my boundaries? I didn’t do anything, but it felt like I was doing everything. I feel like a hypocrite.
I could have just asked him to leave. Why couldn’t I?
I co-share my clinic with another senior doctor. I am a resident, so I’m never actually there unless it’s a case I don’t want to miss.
I asked my senior doctor to take a look at him. Once he was evaluated, he was going to pay. I told him he didn’t have to. He said, “No, this is the least I can do. Thank you.” I said, “No problem.”
He leaned in for a side hug. I didn’t give in. He said, “Why are you making it awkward? It’s just a hug. There are people around.” I said, “Yeah, no.”
While leaving, at the door in front of the receptionist, he said, “Why do you hate me so much?”
I lost it, and I’m not proud of that. I ended up saying, “Because loving you was self-abandoning. I abandoned myself to keep you. Even then, you abandoned me for someone else. You made a decision; now please stick to it. You have got to respect me. This is my workspace. The doctor inside is senior to me. This receptionist here is senior. It’s my workspace you have to respect me. Are you so unhappy in your life that you have to do this to me? A decision you consciously took, while saying you don’t even love her but had no choice. Your parents didn’t even attend your wedding. Your guest list was zero.”
He said, “Come out, we will talk.” I did.
I told him, “You have been a very important person in my life. Everything I am today is because of you. You helped me in every phase, and I will remember that. But you also taught me to stand up for myself. This is me standing up for myself. I’m finally doing well in life. Don’t ruin it, please.”
That’s when my phone rang. My phone announces calls (stupid Siri). He saw it was a man. He knows everyone in my life. It’s was the guy I just started seeing.
“Of course you have a man ready. You jump from one thing to another. I wanted to stay friends with you. Nobody gets you like I do. You push me.”
I lost it. I was in tears. I have been in love with this man for five years. How can you say this to my face?
You can have a wholeass wife but god forbid I move on.
I just said, “Man, go home to your wife. You finally have a person who absolutely adores you. Stop whatever it is that you are doing. Just go.”
Normally, this would shake me up. I would end up crying. I don’t know I saw a clear picture. I didn’t see it in five years. Was it because he is married? Maybe it was an epiphany. He is inconsistent and he lies and manipulates and gaslights.
I hope I draw strong, firm boundaries in the future.
Loving someone shouldn’t cause self-abandonment, no matter what. Before yall tell me to tell the wife. Over my dead-body. When they met she knew he was with me. I had an elective in the USA. I wasnt around. So fuck no I do not care. Have I had a good heart before and I tried telling her. That he has been toying with us both?. Yes I did. What did she do next. Got married to him. So the onus is not on me. Onus shouldn’t be on me.
Moral of the story: yall were right.
Edit: why the hell am I getting downvoted 😭