I’m not looking for any specific theme, as long as it dives into dark psychology. I want the best ones: the kind that make you question who you are, play with your mind, and force you to confront and work with your shadow self.
Hi, I’m posting here because I’ve been questioning a lot about myself and I’m feeling pretty conflicted.
I struggle with my mental health and I’m currently on SSRIs. I’ve have very low self-esteem. My sister and my father are both diagnosed with NPD, and my therapist suspects I might have BPD.
What worries me is that I also see traits in myself that feel narcissistic, even if I don’t think I have NPD in the same way they do. I have trouble forming romantic feelings, I constantly look for validation, and I tend to get bored of people really quickly. I lie just to get attention and keep my appearance,and Im conflicted if it's something I'm proud of or not,I have lied about BIG things,I don't wanna talk about it because I'm ashamed,but faking a whole persona
There are moments where I really dislike myself, but other times I feel “special” in a way that makes me look down on people who have hurt me or reject me.
At the same time, I can also be extremely empathetic,sometimes to the point of self-sacrificing too much. It feels very contradictory.
I’m also very obsessed with my appearance. I know that’s common nowadays, but for me it feels excessive and consuming. What scares me most is the feeling that these traits could take over and define me, like they’re erasing my sense of identity. Sometimes it feels like there’s a “darker” side of me that I don’t fully control.
I’m already in therapy, but I struggle to be fully honest about this side of myself because of shame,I even catch myself lying to my therapist sometimes.
I’m not trying to play the victim. I just want to understand myself better and find ways to manage these patterns before they get worse. If anyone has has advice on how to deal with this,I’d really appreciate hearing it.