Fiancé made me feel disposable
Me (32F) and my fiancé (39M) have been together for 4 years. Our micro wedding is booked for November. He has a teen child from a previous relationship and the co-parenting dynamic with his ex has caused ongoing issues throughout our relationship.
Yesterday, his ex asked him to help her move on Father’s Day. He texted me about it undecided on what to do and asked for my input. I told him clearly it was a power play, that it was crossing a boundary, and that I was not okay with it. I didn’t talk badly about her even though I was upset. He said he “received and agreed” with my opinion and a friend told him how to handle the situation. I didn’t respond to his final text because I was livid that he considered facts as “my opinion” and I didn’t want to say something I’d regret. I didn’t hear from him after that.
Instead of giving me space after work, he woke me up from a nap that I was having in our music room (guitars and drum set) and told me to leave the room because he was going to play drums in an hour. I didn’t want to argue so I showered and went to bed.
He then woke me up at 3 am because he wanted to talk because he couldn’t sleep. That’s when he:
-accused me of being jealous of his ex and tossed his phone at me to find out whatever I wanted from their conversations. I didn’t ask him to do that. I just wanted to know why she felt comfortable asking him for that type of favor. I told him that was unnecessary and I refused to look at his phone.
-told me I wasn’t being empathetic enough like his friends were about this situation
-he was mad at me for being upset that he didn’t just tell her no from the get-go instead of a wishy washy answer
-he told me that if if I can’t handle his ex, I can leave
He went on for an hour. I made sure that I didn’t say anything I would regret. At the end, I said that he and I were the ones in the relationship and that my input should matter the most before his friends. I said that’s why I’m his partner. That’s when he told me “you don’t have to be”. That stung. It was the second time in an hour he said something that made me feel disposable. 6 months ago he had already threatened to throw my things outside because of a similar issue.
My eyes filled with tears when he said that, I quietly said “thanks”, and I left the room. I slept a little bit & waited until morning to leave the house and keep myself busy. It’s now getting late and I need to start thinking about going “home”. My support family/friends are in the loop.
I think I’m ready to walk away but I’m just feeling so heartbroken. To make matters worse, it’s his birthday weekend and I have no desire to celebrate his milestone birthday. I now have to make plans on next steps and possibly move back home with family.
I could use any feedback or support. TIA ❤️🩹
Dinner: Shake shack cheeseburger and fries.