u/DaRealJDawg

I’m 20m she’s 18f - Basically about a month ago we were in a huge fight where she said things that absolutely crossed a line for me and I told her I need a day bc I was so upset over it. I call her the following night after taking the day to think about it and I tell her how I’m feeling, trying to communicate that what she said wasn’t okay, and she doubles down (supposedly, as she would tell me days later, I misunderstood what she was trying to say and she “didn’t mean it like that” but her words are her words and what she said to me really wasn’t okay) after me making an attempt to communicate with her that I was upset with what she said and trying to talk to her about it, and her not caring and doubling down I was flooded with emotion and sort of on a whim tell her it’s over and hang up. We were together for 2 years and we were both each other’s first s/o. I mean literally every day we did something like watch shows or play video games together on our computers. She’s going to my college in a few months as well and there’s plenty of stuff that’s mine that she still has, I know the last time we talked wasn’t the last time we’ll ever talk but man does it still hurt so bad.

It became complicated after our break up, I took about a week to myself and then we started talking again and agreed to be friends, then we agreed to be friends with benefits, I believe we both still loved each other deeply but couldn’t be in a relationship effectively rn.

We started talking more and more until one day she didn’t respond and in a moment of selfishness I started a fight with her about it the following day. My mind has been scrambled but I recognize my mistake in this truly. This fight happened about 2.5 weeks after breakup and she asked for space afterwards

I found out that she’s talking to another guy about 4 days ago and I am just devastated. She’s doing everything that her and I did down to like the most minute cute little things that I thought were ours.

Overall there’s so much emotion and it’s going to a long healing journey I know that, unfortunately while I was dating her I gained a good bit of weight but I’ve been hitting the gym again and spending lots of time doing what I love. The biggest problem is that no matter what activity I’m doing, my mind is occupied with thoughts of us.

I was miserable and couldn’t handle not telling her how I was feeling. I was scared more than anything. In a moment (again) of selfishness I told her yesterday everything and she said that she understands but needs time and space from me rn. After getting everything I was feeling off my chest, I feel better and am actually okay with not talking to her. We agreed she would reach out to me when she feels ready, until then I’ll give her space.

Does anyone have any advice in general? We both made so many mistakes I know that lol, truly. Like I said this was both mine and hers first relationship.

I feel okay since yesterday, much much better comparatively, but still sad :( I miss my best friend and I hate that I have her friended still on everything and can see what she’s doing all the time and so I know that she’s doing things that I thought were “ours” with another guy.

One last thing, she did tell me herself that the reason she’s taking to another guy is because she needed a distraction, which I get. I just feel silly and jealous and sad and scared. Thanks for listening lol