I usually don’t post stuff like this, but this has genuinely been messing with my head.
I moved away around 8 months ago and haven’t physically seen my close friend group since then. We still stay in touch constantly though. We update each other about life, jobs, relationships, plans, everything. They all know I’m moving back permanently in October too, so it’s not like I disappeared from everyone’s life.
I’m coming back in August just for a friend’s wedding and asked the guy I considered my closest friend, basically like a brother to me, if I could crash at his place for a few days.
For context, this is someone I let stay at my place for a month rent free in the past when he needed it. I never kept score about that because in my head that’s just what close friends do for each other.
His response was:
“No bro. It won’t be possible.”
That was it.
Later, after I told him I was thinking about him and hoped everything was okay with him, he replied saying he’s been “living a little self absorbed and kind of overworked.”
I know nobody owes anyone a place to stay. I genuinely understand that. But I think what hurt me was how cold and detached it felt.
If one of my closest friends asked me for this and I genuinely couldn’t do it, I feel like my response would’ve been more like:
“Bro I’m really sorry, my head’s just not in a good place right now”
or
“I wish I could help but I honestly can’t handle having anyone over these days.”
Just something that made it feel like the friendship still mattered.
What’s also messing with me is that I’ve seen him let people he’s only known for a few months stay over for days or even weeks before. Meanwhile for me, not even a few days for a wedding trip planned 2 months in advance.
And I honestly feel scared to even talk about this with my other friends because I feel like they’ll just say:
“Bro chill.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
“You’re being emotional.”
Or they’ll naturally side with him because they’ve all still been around each other physically while I’ve been gone for months.
I can’t tell if I’m reacting normally to this or if the distance and loneliness are making me take it too personally.
But man, this genuinely hurt. Especially because I really considered this guy a brother.