So, i've always been able to sabotage my life pretty easily. I don't know how I do it, I don't know when it will happen, but my brain just flicks into, "Lets fuck shit up mode." even knowing im slightly bipolar, mostly adhd, add, and ptsd's. Like i'm turning into old bitter but still want to be sweet and nice to everyone. Just something switches on. I'm male and have 3 kids. I don't really associate with them as much as I used to work/school etc. The time we have together will never be unmatched.
But I digress. So, I feel like everything going right is puzzles pieces falling into place. Like serendipity, like every right choice keeps leading to more. But, eventually I have to make it stop, I start hearing songs that correlate, movies, tv shows that just associate with my current situation.
I'm divorced after 15 years, i've been avoiding romance and feeling that because now it's just foreign. My family won't ever let me truly fail unless I do something heinous, and my kids are like proud of me for no reason. But I still feel like I don't know what I want. Like Where do I go from this point? I like my job, love my kids, but like do I go find another 15 year relationship or just live the bachelor lifestyle until I want to find something worth doing? I have what I need and am comfortable. I don't know why but I feel like whenever i'm on the right track people can hear my thoughts and just continue giving me opportunities. Like I said this was going to be a weird one. Thank you if you read it.