I (F27) and my Husband (M28) got into an argument about how I worded some things, and I just need to know if I'm the asshat in this situation.
For context, our daughter has been extremely fussy for the past 2 days. NOTHING is calming for her. I get extremely overwhelmed with loud constant sounds as I have auditorial sensitivities. The only time she is calm is when she (finally) gets to sleep. (Yes we took her to the doctors)
As of yesterday, he started feeling sick, and in a mere 12 hours it hit like a truck. Because of this, he had quarantined himself to the room. I have been making him tea and bringing him food and water.
The key points of our conversation revolving around the situation is this:
•He has 4 days off
•He is sick, and now I am getting sick
•His birthday is on Saturday
•Our daughter has been extremely fussy
•I have been the (main) parent dealing with the fussiness
When our convo started, I explained that I am just extremely overwhelmed. It sucks because he's sick, and shouldn't be around our lil one....but it stings that he plans to drink in VR with his friends friday or saturday night to celebrate his birthday. Now that I am also starting to feel sick, I don't get to recover as he has/will be able to, and will STILL be dealing with a fussy 4 month old without any support WHILE being sick....basically defeating the purpose of him not being around her.
I voiced that, emotionally, because of this, I don't want to be around her, see her, or be a mom right now. I don't feel good either and just wish I could sleep and feel better too. That I'm struggling with the situation at current and feeling alot.
I did NOT mean that I wouldn't be a mom, or take care of her. Just that I wish I could take a breather considering all thats going on. BUT, saying that I didn't want to see her set him off, proceeding to tell me, "You're a mom, you don't get to feel that way. It's wrong to say that." When I asked what his deal was, he explained that I should have worded it differently because it makes me sound like a POS.
I proceeded to say that I am allowed to FEEL a certain way in these moments, and voice those feelings, without acting on them. That I will still always be her mom. I will still take care of her as she deserves, and that in no way did I mean it at face value. I'll be damned if someone tells me I'm not allowed to feel something, and that I shouldn't have to adjust how I word something for someone elses comfortability. But....apparently I'm a POS for saying it.
So, couch patoots.
AITA for saying I didn't want to see/look at my daughter?
EDIT: I wanted to clarify a few things from some wild comments.
•I'm autistic, thus the auditory sensitivities.
•Just because I'm autistic, does not mean I'm incapable. We had a child because we are in a solid place to have a child, and wanted to be parents, and we would do it again.
~I use noise cancelling headphones ONLY when I absolutely can't handle much more (kind of like a breaking point) I'm talking 3-4 hours. She is colicky, teething, and currently eats through a button in her stomach due to swallowing issues. Shit, I'd be mad too. With this being said, I do NOT
•Just let her cry/cry it out
•Use them to drown her out
•Ignore my daughters needs
So respectfully, don't tell me that I shouldn't use them when they do not in any way hurt my child. There are plenty of mothers and fathers out there that didn't know what to do when they were overwhelmed, and well....plenty of news stories can tell you the outcome.
Feelings are not a "luxury", they are human. Popping out a cute lil crotch goblin does not mean I am no longer my own human being with big feelings. Anyone is allowed to FEEL, regardless of their gender, "position", or situation in life. Keep your misogynistic views to yourself. That goes for anyone.
To the people who told me I could have worded it better, yes, I could have, and I appreciate your input about what it may have looked like from his stand point. It's something I can consider from now on, and work on within our communication.
My husband isn't a piece of shit. He's been adjusting at the pace he is capable of. Yes prioritization is still a struggle, but I CAN say he is working on it. He is an amazing husband and father, but, we all have issues, and I will never condemn him for his faults. (That does not mean I don't agree with him being the AH in this situation) 100% he is.