u/CymruSober

I am watching the MIT OCW QM I lectures on YouTube, I have a background of reading/watching the Theoretical Minimum series and an unfortunate persistence.
I was wondering if it makes sense to say that wave/particle duality means the universe can assuredly deliver a whole particle of energy in a dispersed wavelike way, so in this sense it is an ability of confidence. I know we are to hate this kind of talk, but I have educated myself pretty far and I still prefer this, so I am sorry!

I levelled up in meditation, being as objective as possible. This has given me a kind of calm that I had when I was manic, because when I was manic I also didn’t have aversion. Does anybody else have experience of navigating this sort of phase change?

It is possible to succeed in meditation and gain control of your mind, and it can be a formidable thing. My family cannot help but gaslight me when it gets beyond their level of awareness. They don’t know any of the excess education I gave myself. I isolated myself, stayed after the grand prize of total understanding that I knew when manic. I haven’t given up but I don’t know if I can believe in progress. Everything shines a little more.

I have made serious progress in meditation, that’s possible, right? And I’m taking creatine and thinking at a higher more honest and in touch with my own mediocrity kind of way. I’m writing poetry quite easily, that’s wonderful. My chess rating is terrible but it’s persistently higher than it has ever been in Rapid 10 minute. I understand Special Relativity more than ever before. All my fucking post psychotic obsessions after I read Gödel, Escher, Bach are all haunting me.
I don’t know who I am beyond mania :(