Assalamu Alaikum,
10 days ago, my husband slapped me. It was over something extremely stupid. Laundry.
Long story short, but without leaving out the important parts, he yelled at me for not getting the laundry fast enough. I got upset, telling him he always does this when he is stressed out, and it was not right for him to vent this way by targeting me. He got in my face and told me to leave the room. I froze. He slapped me for not leaving. I slapped back, and then all hell broke loose. He punched me on the back of my head repeatedly, slammed me to the floor, and kicked my head. I went to the hospital and thankfully got cleared AlHamdulliah.
This isn't the first time. Every 6 or 7 months, it gets physical. I'm out of love, and I want out. We have 3 children. They know what happened. It tears me apart.
He is acting remorseful but has not apologised. He is too scared of confronting me. We sleep in separate rooms. Every day, I feel like crying. I cry after Salat Al Ishaa and beg Allah for a sign.
I am determined to leave. I only have two choices: Jordan or Palestine. My financial situation is very tight. I earn around 1300 USD a month doing tutoring. That's it.
The exit plan is me acting normal, waiting for our yearly visit to Jordan, then getting out of there and moving in with my parents to Palestine.
I'm scared. I know this marriage was nothing but misery, even without the physical abuse. He belittles me, gaslight me, and I fell into a deep depression. But I'm terrified. My father is retired, and my mother is a housewife. How am I supposed to manage on my own? I need some words of encouragement. I contemplated forgiving and moving on, but it does not feel right at all. It happened a lot before, and I went back only for it to happen again after 6 months or 1 year tops. I don't want to be depressed and detached from my children. Any advice is appreciated.