(TW: suicidal ideation) My dad just told me that everyone in my family is insanely embarrassed everytime I try to present feminine.
EDIT: I just want to say I really appreciate everyone's kind words. It seriously helped me out through all this and even if I don't respond I promise I read every single comment❤️❤️❤️❤️
It hit me like a truck, and I just immediately started balling my eyes out in front of him, and he didn't even care. He said he was only being honest, which only makes it worse.
It doesn't help that I have 2 sisters and no brothers and they're much better friends with each other than with me which just reinforces this idea in my head of "the girls hang out with eachother while I'm just the ugly wannabe freak. My family have always acted progressive and have progressive views but I guess that all goes out the window as soon as it effects them personally.
I always had the tiniest hope that someday in my life I'd actually be somewhat happy with my transition but that stomped out the last bit of hope I had and at this point I'm seriously considering suicide.
I have severe ADHD and depression which already makes getting motivated to do anything about my gender dysphoria hard, and the country I live in has a waiting list of over 10 years before I can even get medically diagnosed with it so I can receive HRT.
I just feel incredibly helpless and no matter how much I hear people say "it'll get better! Don't worry!" It's only been getting worse and worse as the years go on, so I seriously think I, and my family would be better off if I just hanged myself.
The only thing keeping me around is the few friends I still have that support me, but there's still a big part of me that thinks none of them actually see me as a girl, and instead just play aalong to keep me from offing myself.
I guess I'm posting this more just to have likeminded people to talk to about it.