I taste my own poo
Hi, I’m a woman in her 20’s who has been needing to essentially finger myself to poo since I was in single digits. I vaguely remember as a toddler/ very young child my brother basically forcing me to touch/ lick his poo when I was very very small.
I’ve been doing this to go poo since I was at least 5/7 years old, and needed to go to the doctor for a hemmroid at 7 due to bleeding from my rectum.
I’m now 22 with a career and degree. I’ve had boyfriends/ girlfriends and no one has ever known except one therapist. Whom I dropped after she reacted with extreme disgust. It’s notable I have a history of SA from my brothers friend, CPTSD, and bipolar.
I feel like I secretly struggle so much with this/ ocd and no one knows.
I’ve never had medical issues with it, except occasionally hemmroids. I don’t get any sexual pleasure from it. it feels very compulsive/ it hurts to go to the bathroom without helping it come out.
it’s never large amounts or “eating” per say. It feels like extreme ocd/ weirdly comforting/ releases an urge.
I feel absolutely disgusting. No one knows. They can’t ever know. My boyfriend can’t know.
It makes me think I must have been abused more than I remember as a very young child/ toddler. I “hide” it. I don’t need to do it Everytime.