OK Reddit I need you to do your thing. I am f30 and my spouse is 33 this year. We have had two kids together and have been together 7 years . It has been a mental roller coaster , we have cheated lost homes cars and now live back with his mom. This is not how I thought the relationship would go at all. We have tried to call it quites and we convince each other to stay . He full on gaslighted me about freaking talking to my ex on Snapchat and indeed I had not been , for a fact I knew I deleted my ex two weeks prior ( had to go back to my OG snap) so my guy adds the ex and gets mad when ex hits me up . I had no idea till 2am when my guy woke me up showing me a video of my ex saying hey to me. He called me a lifer and cheater and talked so crazy to me knowing the whole time he basically set me up. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I have put up with so much stuff . I even tried posting on her before and he went through my phone and got mad at the post .
Now that I want to break up he’s literally begging me not to saying it can be fixed and he’s not letting me go and I’m not leaving he’s not leaving we have been through so much , all while telling me nobody is in my corner like him and he loves me and he’s scared for me and how I’m gonna be in the same shit predicament in 5 yrs depressed and shit . Before we got together I was happy paying my bills had a car a social life taking care of my kid. Idk what he’s talking about in my head this relationship brought me down and made me some one I’m not.
We don’t want to break up the family but damn this shit is toxic on the kids and idk how long it would take us to fix this what if it takes another eight years ? He’s a gambler and I’m not and this is just a chance I don’t wanna take. I feel like the bad person . But I’m just tryna rescue myself and possibly explore other options .
What would you do and how do I get myself out of this alive .
Advice fast because ima have to delete this s