u/CuteSuggestion1878

I feel like I wasn’t meant to exist in this world. I suffered through nine years of sx trafficking after I was kidnapped I finally ran and got out had bounced state to state every year or two to stay safe. I tried to resume normalcy, not just for me, but for my child, I tried desperately to pick up the pieces to act like nothing ever happened to take care of the house and my kid and pets and go back to school and I’m absolutely drowning I’ve known for a long time that I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my kid and living for him because he doesn’t deserve to grow up to live a life without his mom and I wanna give him the absolute world, but I feel like I failed him. I can’t find work. I struggle with my weight and health because honestly finding a will to do anything is hard. I’m absolutely terrified of medications and ironically have a fear of passing. but other times that’s all I wanna do when I’m in nonstop pain and every time I close my eyes I’m reliving the torture and the nightmare that I feel like I can’t get away from. I’ve been under nonstop, pressure and stress. I’m getting constant headaches. and I feel like I’m doing everything alone(I have no one to talk to about this and no friends and anytime I start to make a friend I open my big mouth about my past and then they want nothing to do with me,just confirming I’m damaged goods and no one wants me)and I feel so isolated that I almost ended everything today even started saying goodbye to my kid because I couldn’t leave him without a goodbye, but I don’t actually want to leave him. I just want the pain to stop, but after he reminded me that I always said it would be me and him against the world. I knew that I couldn’t do it and that I couldn’t do that to him. but I know that I’m damaging him. He didn’t know what my plan was just that I might go away for a while and he absolutely fell apart. I feel so terrible for any pain that I’ve caused him I’m just so tired. Just needed to vent since I have no one cause I can’t breathe