We broke up 9 months ago, no contact for about 5 months. We were together for 4.5 years and lived together for almost a year. This wasn’t the first time we broke up, after our first year of dating we were broken up for 8 months then got back together.
Both times we broke up were for similar reasons, we just weren’t compatible. He’s more of a homebody whereas I like to go out and do stuff. I love to travel and he was really against it. We also had really mismatched libidos which caused lots of issues and we’ve both struggled with our mental health.
Both times we broke up were extremely difficult for me because we still had love for each other, the problem was just with compatibility. I think he’s such an amazing and kind person and he really cared (and still does care) about me. He was there for me for so many parts of my life and supported me through so much and I’d like to think I did the same for him. I felt like he just knew me so well and understood me, he was my person.
When we got back together after being broken up for 8 months it felt amazing. It was like going back home, everything was so familiar and comfortable, but also better because we had both grown as people. We initially took it slow because we knew we had broken up in the past for a reason, but everything just felt so perfect and we got back together.
The second time we dated was much more serious, I had finished university and was starting my first full time job and he was there to support me. He was working full time and finishing his degree. We lived together and started building a life together. I was really close with his family and I felt safe and comfortable with him.
But under the surface things weren’t perfect and we started arguing lots. The breakup was so awful because we knew we had to separate because we were just hurting each other but there was so much love and history there that it was hard to let go.
He was so kind and gentle during the breakup and we tried to support each other as best as we could before deciding to go no contact to help us heal. We didn’t make a hard rule about no contact and told each other that we could reach out if we needed anything. But we didn’t speak or message for months.
I’ve been healing slowly and could go weeks without feeling upset. But for the past couple months I’ve been missing him so badly. I keep thinking I’m never going to meet anyone that I connect with as much as I connected with him. I kept thinking about how amazing it felt when we got back together after being apart and I started craving that. Realistically I knew getting back together would be a terrible idea because we’ve already tried and it didn’t work. But there was a tiny part of me hoping there was a chance.
I’d been fighting the urge to message him for the past 2 months, sometimes crying myself to sleep because I missed him and the life we had together so much. But two days ago I just decided to send him a message to ask how he was going. He replied immediately and said he was happy to hear from me, we talked a bit over message and I felt so happy, but also so anxious.
Today we started chatting some more over message and it felt so familiar and nice, like it did before. I decided to ask if he was seeing anyone, expecting that he wasn’t because of the way everything seemed so normal. When he told me he was I felt shocked, it felt like a bullet to the chest. We were planning on catching up over the phone later in the week and I said maybe it’s not a good idea considering he’s seeing someone. He said it was fine because I was a big part of his life and it makes sense for us to check in with each other. I said I wasn’t comfortable.
He said it’s been good to hear how I’m doing and what I’m up to and that he’ll always care about me. Sometimes I wish he didn’t have to be so kind so I could just hate him and get over him.
I feel so pathetic for still not being over him while he’s started a new relationship. I feel scared I’m never going to meet someone as kind and caring as him who I have such a strong connection with. It hurts that we started building a life together and there’s now some random girl in my place. I still feel like that should be my place. I keep thinking about when we got back together last time and wishing it could happen again.
It’s probably for the best because I know that if there was a chance that we could get back together it would just end in heartbreak because we just didn’t work. Hopefully knowing he’s moved on will help me move on. It just hurts a lot right now.
TLDR: I found out my ex, who I had a mutual breakup with 9 months ago, has a new girlfriend. We didn’t work as a couple even though we loved each other very much. I reached out to him and we caught up over message, he told me he was seeing someone and it made me feel really upset. I’m scared I’ll never find anyone as kind and caring as him.