I arrive to find they're contagious and didn't tell me
So, I have a mother-in-law and sister-in-law that can be so inconsiderate and having been raised by a mother with narcissistic traits and behaviors, I am hyper-aware of looking for the signs in other people. This is just one of their many traits that make me feel crazy.
So, these in-laws, we drive hours to visit, and it's a planned visit with at least a weeks' notice, if not more. We arrive and they then choose to announce they are "mildy" sick or " just getting over something". The last trip to see mother-in-law, it was "mild pneumonia", with sister-in-law the cough was "just allergies".
I just want to scream at them "Just because it's not a big deal to you, you don't care if it's a big deal to me or you would have told me ahead of time! You don't know my health, or what meds I'm on, if I'm immune compromised or what not. It's just plain rude".
Which of course i can't say out loud because then I "ruined the trip with my foul mood" and then they would double down on it not being a big deal and I'm too sensitive, blah blah blah. This behavior drives me up the wall because I don't want to catch it and we could have easily rescheduled our visit.
After the most recent visit, I woke up with sore throat the day after a visit with SIL having the "allergy cough", and this is a week before an anniversary trip I had planned with my husband, which I may now have to cancel.
Currently monitoring to see if this gets better or worse. Not only might I lose out on my trip, but I might have to call out of work. Neither of which they considered, I'm sure.
To see it from all sides and to be fair, I can't guarantee I caught it from her, but I would place a large bet as I don't go out much and a certain coughing someone shared my drink without asking. And if I reach out and tell her I'm sick, she'll DARVO me for sure. I've never heard a genuine apology out of either of them in the 20 years I've known them.
In my experience with my own mother, it was downplaying our illnesses growing up, so no doctor visits for my entire childhood. No stitches, no antibiotics, no check-ups, nothing. she would say "you're fine, stop crying and leave me alone". I feel it was because she didn't see us as individual people and because any trip to the doctor would make her look bad. She did her best to keep us isolated so we wouldn't tell anyone about the abuse.
And what MIL and SIL do feels very similar in its disregard for others' feelings and the downplaying of the situation. To me, this is a form of either control, or just a complete lack of empathy and ability to see outside themselves.
Has anyone else experienced this from the insufferable people in your lives? Do you think I'm reading too much into this, or do you also think that this is more than likely calculated instead of careless? Tell me your stories so I don't feel so alone. My husband is the golden child, and he can't see it.