It Ended Today.
I was in relationship for 2 years with my boyfriend and i've been sick for a year and a half of it.
Im 30 years old, and when i was 28 I went to India and got so sick i couldnt eat food for about 9 months. After that i got a bladder infection which has been causing me so much pain its genuinely turned me crazy. Its non stop.
Im going to India to see specialists and get this infection fixed. In the meantime, i was in a supposedly loving relationship while i dealt with this. Health issues are no joke. But we've been arguing alot the past 6 months and its been really really bad the past two weeks. He ended it by saying its been a shit relationship, and hes depressed because ive been sick for the entirety of it.
For me, he was the only good thing i had left. I cant work, so i dont earn money. I barely see friends or leave my house because i just cant be a burden on them, nor could i afford it. All my money went on private because the NHS are awful.
I cant get over the fact that he said it was good for 6 months and the rest of the time its just been a shit relationship. I feel like a fool. I trusted him when he said he loved me. I trusted him when he said he'd rather have a sick wife that a dead wife (ive been passively suicidal).
Now i really do just want to die. This sickness has ruined my life and taken everything from me and i cant stop crying. I feel sick. Im 30 years old and this is like the 5th time someone hasnt chosen to stick by me. I'm so tired. So unbelievebly tired of this. I havent slept properly in one and a half years because of this. I was literally afloat because of him - he was my medicine.
I dont want some to tell me its life chucking out the old to bring in the new, nor the old better things are coming. I just need to scream into the void.