u/Cute-Detective-8502

Hi everyone, I’m trying to understand something about myself and would really appreciate your thoughts or experiences.
I’m a 28-year-old woman. On the outside, my life is stable now—I have a good job and things are generally “fine.” But mentally and physically, I’ve been struggling for a long time.
Growing up, my home environment was very difficult. My father had alcohol problems, and my mother was often verbally abusive. I never really felt loved by her. At one point (around age 8–9), I couldn’t even call her “mom,” and I’d get yelled at for that. During my teenage years, my older brother was physically and verbally abusive toward me, and my parents didn’t stop it. I mostly kept to myself and only talked to my younger sister.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had body pain (muscles, even “bone pain”), but doctors never found anything wrong. I also deal with anxiety, panic attacks, and periods of depression.
Until recently, I used to cry at night pretty often, and when I did, I would feel actual physical pain in my body—not just emotional pain.
Now I’m in a better place in life, and I even talk to my family, but I can’t seem to move on from what happened. The pain (both emotional and physical) is still there.
I guess my questions are:
Can experiences like this in childhood lead to long-term physical pain and panic attacks, even when life is “okay” now?
Has anyone experienced something similar?
What has actually helped you cope or improve, especially if opening up to people feels really hard?
I want to be honest that talking about this face-to-face is very difficult for me right now, so I’m especially interested in things people have been able to do on their own or gradually.
Thank you to anyone who reads or responds.