u/Cute-Company9288

So a friend of mine recently got engaged, a female friend about a month ago, and I've been unhinged since then. This is a person who is very important to me and someone who I saw as someone who could be beneficial for me. I am autistic and been fired from every job and my record is so bad now to the point where I can't even get hired if I wanted to work. I also don't have a license cause I failed the test a million times. I really liked this female friend as she always showed that she cared about me and I'm just in distraught over her engagement and I'm hiding that fact from her. I've went crazy from going on accidental dates with a bi person to even creating unhinged videos. I recently made an AI video that I didn't upload yet where I combined a pic of me as a guy and a picture of me in drag and made the AI make me an newlywed couple. I'm a drag influencer and so I have like millions of pics of me dressed in drag. I told my male friends that I hope this engagement of my female friend falls apart so that I can have a chance with her. My male friends all called me asshole for wishing doom on her engagement. I'm just really in distress and so I'm going nuts. Am I the asshole for saying I want her engagement to fall apart ?