I (21F) help take care of my mom who is on dialysis alongside my brother and dad. My mom has always relied on me since I was young and so she mostly comes to me with her day to day tasks. My brother and dad have their own responsibilities but recently I’ve been feeling like a lot of it have been falling onto me. I don’t usually rant to my group of friends (except my best friend, she hears everything), but the times that I have, they all tell me one thing. “Just do what you want and your brother and dad will just have to figure it out themselves.” I know that if I let my mom boss me around that I’ll get stuck in this cycle with no way of getting out. And I know my family takes advantage of the fact that I’ll always be there to do it. Im aware of all this but it’s just so hard not to. If im not there it genuinely feels like my family will fall apart. My mom threatened to harm herself when my brother wouldn’t set up her machine the time that she wanted. I ended up learning it to do it myself when I already have a different responsibility. Sometimes it’s just easier so theres less arguing and drama.
My friend and I were sat at a cafe talking about our troubles. I brought up someone who said she always felt guilty for getting the guys at her job to help her around. I mentioned she shouldn’t be feeling that way because it’s her own managers fault for not hiring a new kitchen porter when the last one left. I guess it related to my situation because my friend said to me “You’re just like that girl, you know”. She always sounded like she was sorry for me, feeling sympathetic for my situation. Except this time she told me sarcastically “Well congrats, this is your life now” and started to lecture me about all the things I can do to help my situation but choose not to do. She blamed me for how my life turned out because I always picked up after my brother and dad. She told me “Are you going to stay there forever then?”. I don’t know where this sudden change came from. I don’t even think Ive talked about my situation enough that she got tired of me complaining or anything. She even told me herself that she talked about me to another friend saying “Why cant [I] just let [my] family do it?”. I’m genuinely just so stuck and I dont know what to do. It’s not like my family can hire a caregiver, we dont have the funds to do that.
My friend told me to tell my moms nurses but what good can come out of that? I’ve confronted my family many times about how I felt but they refused to understand me. Was what my friend said supposed to be eye opening, to force me to face my reality? or was she just downright mean.