Okay this happened a while back but no one else knows besides me, my friend, my bf, and his ex fling. We'll call my friend Janis, and the ex fling Regina. (Yes mean girls references lol) This might be a long post. There's a bit of NSFW mentioned.
I (19f) and my bf (19m) had been living together with his dad at the time, I was having a rough time at home since my mom did not like my bf is any way, and freaked out when I said I was leaving the house to go be with him. (Stupid I know, I was young and dumb)
We had been dating for over 10 months and I've always had issues with the fact he was my first bf and the first person I had ever been sexual with, meanwhile he had an ex who was his first everything, kiss, sex, you name it. So ofc I was jealous and felt insecure of myself at the time, overtime I eventually got over it since I really cared for him a lot and didn't want to upset him with constantly needing to be reassured that he loved me.
I had made it clear to him I wasn't comfortable with him hanging out or being friends with any exes or flings he might've had back when we first started dating. He claimed that his ex was the ONLY person he's ever done intimate stuff with, that he would never do that, and that "I had nothing to worry about" His exact words.
So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed it. Fast forward to us dating 10 months and living together. This one morning we're hanging out and enjoying our time together. I get a notification from Janis and see long text messages and some screenshots of a conversation they had with a "mutual" friend Regina.
Now, Regina was a lot closer with Janis and my bf at the time. My bf and Regina knew each other since she had dated and fucked his best friend just before they broke up. I had tried to talk with Regina before but she would be super dry or never reply to me, I pushed aside my feelings and figured maybe we just don't click, it is what it is.
When I had read these texts my heart and stomach dropped. I never once felt so sick and anxious in my life like that. Janis tells me Regina and my bf used to a "situationship" same shit as a friends with benefits thing, which I did NOT know. It was 2 months before I had met my bf before be broke things off with Regina.
I had to sit down and listen from Regina's voice (it was those audio messages) on how my bf would choke her and grope her breasts and tongue her down and how she used to like it. Apparently it was a few months after his ex broke up with him, and Regina broke things off with his friend. So my bf and his friend both tongued Regina and I had no fucking clue.
My bf notices how pale I look and asks me what's wrong. I show him the texts and audio, asking him if it was true. He seems completely unbothered by it and says yeah so what? Like he didn't care at ALL.
I freaked out on him and immediately got up from the floor to get put of there, he catches on to my bad mood and follows me. I can't remember what was said but I know I was pissed at him. I literally had to go outside just get a breather because I genuinely was at tears and having a full panic attack.
After calming down a bit, we went back inside and he kept telling me how sorry he was, kept hugging me and tried to kiss me. I couldn't even look at him, let alone kiss him. I felt so disgusted just kissing him was triggering for me.
His excuse started from "I forgot to tell you" to "I didn't think it was important to tell you". He ended up blocking Regina online and so did I. I truly wanted to break up with him right there and leave so bad, but it was tearing at me because I really did care for him. So ofc stupid me decided to stay longer. I only got more miserable thinking about that situation and how it made me distrust him.
I should also give some important background details, the red flags I should've taken seriously.
- Before I had found out, Regina and my bf were friends online and knew each other in person way before I met him. My before had been taking this emt internship and would have to drive through Regina's neighborhood. We argued about this after finding out bc she lives in a cul-de-sac. I felt like he purposely had gone to see her and he said it was just on the way.
- Regina and my bf went to a rock concert together with a friend of hers. I was originally supposed to go but my mom wouldn't let me. I didn't mind and wished he had fun, again, this was before finding out. I didn't care about him having friends who were girls, it never bothered me.
- Whenever my bf and I hung out together Regina would constantly be texting him on Instagram. Sending him reels/videos like "do you think we'd find each other in every universe" and stuff like that. He told me they were just good friends and ofc...I was understanding about it. Although seeing her messages the first time had rubbed me the wrong way but I tried ignoring it, thought I was just being paranoid for no reason.
My bf has done some other questionable things but it's a bit of a list. If you guys would like to know feel free to ask, I will gladly share.
I've grown to really resent my bf and have been less and less affectionate with him. In fact I do everything I can to avoid him and get annoyed easily. We've been together for 2 years but honestly I've already been planning to leave and break if off. I look back and cringe at how I acted and feel so embarrassing about it.
That's about it, I'm just frustrated with how alone I felt during this but I truly believe I wasn't wrong for how I felt.
Edit: There's some mixed feelings on this which I kinda expected. When we first started dating I had a terrible insecure problem (very obvious) since I was a virgin and he wasn't. I knew this and willing agreed to date him, that is of my own fault. I never gave my bf a hard time having friends, in fact I was very open to it, I got along with most of his friends. I just didn't feel comfortable with him hanging out with an ex. Again, I was just young and so deeply insecure of myself at the time. I'm not denying that at all.
Also, the fact he lied to me was what pissed me off, I had set a boundary when we first started dating and he just crossed over it. Yeah it would've hurt at first but I would have gotten over it eventually.