Extremely confused (24M) with an acquaintance (23F). What's going on?
So, I (24M) developed a crush for this girl (23F) that works nearby, and things went well, or so I thought.
For a bit of context, this all happened over a month ago and it's still driving me insane (props to my therapist).
I work in a small puzzles store on a commercial district of a not too big of a city, and this girl, let's call her E, works front door from time to time (she belongs to a chain with other stores around the city). I didn't pay much attention in the beginning, other than seeing another pretty girl in the big city working right in front of me. In not too long, I started paying more attention to her, and she begun looking at me as well. We had initiated a small game, catching each other throwing glances.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I decide to ask for her number, since I thought there was a good vibe between us, and I was pretty sure the attraction was mutual by now. I got it, and E told me she was happy that I asked, surprised, but happy.
I've had pretty bad experiences in my dating life, where I got too invested since the beginning and couldn't stop texting, so I decided to take it easy this time and just plan for a small date at a cafe, to get to know each other, without really messaging if not to decide the day and time for the date.
And so, we get to the date, and I was mad nervous, anxious even. I didn't realize I fell into idealizing this girl, who triggered deep wounds. (again, props to my therapist for helping me realize these stuff now). The date went on, I could tell I was very nervous, unconscious of how much I was talking. We shared EVERYTHING in common. It was crazy. From careers, to hobbies, to favourite films, to different plans we wanted to do some day in our lives. Just everything, it was incredible.
And so, the date went on for a couple of hours, and I think I could tell she was either growing uncomfortable or disinterested, even though she kept asking questions like "so, are you romantic?" or affirmations on what she's like in relationships. She then mentioned she was taking a break from relationships (as many people should, I believe) after someone close told her, but she wasn't closing herself to anything that could happen.
Half an hour later, the date ends positively, we mention how good of a time we had, and leaving the door open to more dates. Everything was ok, some stuff was questionable, but it was a pretty alright first date I'd dare say.
I get home, I send E a message, saying I had a good time and I liked getting to know more of her.
I wait for a couple days, leaving the weekend pass by quietly, watching and listening some of the recommendations she gave me. And then, once monday arrives, I send her a message telling her I had a free day in a couple of weeks, asking if she'd like to go on another date.
Then, everything changes, and I receive an honest answer, saying E didn't want to make me waste my time. "You are a wonderful guy, but I don't feel like dating at this moment, I hope everything goes well for you", she added.
I was very confused, sad, slightly anxious, but I didn't ask why, I didn't think it was a good idea, so I kept it cool: Hey, thank you for being honest, I appreciate it. I had a good time and it has been a pleasure to meet you.
I didn't pursue anything else, but I did feel extremely confused, wondering what changed from one day to another, given the fact that I kept receiving positive signals and pings. I just decided to *try* and move on, no matter how hard it was.
It would be the end to it, if it weren't for what has been happening since then. Every day that we've worked the same shifts in our respective work places, we've kept looking at each other (I'm trying my best to keep it low, and look much less often). It wouldn't be an issue if it was pure politeness. Hi or bye, since we now know each other. But it has gotten "worse" and more confusing by the day.
Moments of her making a dramatic 180º to look at me, locking eyes, talking with a client while looking back. Still throwing glances every once in a while, etc. I struggle with social anxiety, and I try to keep everything clear and straight forward for the sake of my wellbeing, so this is driving me nuts.
I asked my female friends and mom about this, all of them saying this close person of E has told her something to make her change her mind, or that she might be regretting it. I try to not focus on the what if's, cause it only feeds fake fantasies, and remain focused on what actually happened. However, yesterday was the worst day, being the most obvious and confusing of them all, and it left me very close to the edge of sending her a voice note.
After removing her from the fantasy of the ideal girl, I still like E, but I'm pretty lost over what's going on and what would be a good idea. Until now, I've been focusing on myself, trying to get better and more confident, but she seems to find a way into my mind at least once a day.
After all of this, I ask y'all, what do you think it's going on with her? Cause I have no clue.