I'm having intrusive thoughts of me acting violently or in emotionally hurtful way towards others several times a day. These thoughts are accompanied by a very specific feeling of pleasure or joy, that feels distinct from the joy I feel when I spent time with my loved ones, doing hobbies or overcoming challenges. While I do feel this feeling in some other contexts, I experience it every time an intrusive thought pops up inside my head. The intensity of the feeling is higher with more violent thoughts.
I don't mind the thoughts. I have no problem with analyzing and evaluating them, enjoying the feeling, and then simply discarding them because I rationally know that I don't want their outcome (hurting loved ones or random people/animals just for fun) or that they are an overreaction (when dealing with people I dislike).
When I tried to learn more about this by reading scientific articles and various public discussions online, I couldn't find anything that would fit my case. All I found was that most people have some intrusive thoughts and they can generally dismiss them; how to deal with intrusive thoughts; and how some people feel bothered or distressed by their intrusive thoughts. I couldn't find anything relevant to my case. I did find some individual mentions of people having some kind of positive emotions or feelings associated with their intrusive thoughts, but they also felt concern about them and the way they described it, didn't completely feel like what I have.
I'm wondering whether this is how most people feel and they simply shrug it off without talking about it because it's kinda complicated to admit that they sometimes think about doing messed up things to others and enjoy it, or whether my experience is somehow unique. I would appreciate if you could share any information that would help me understand this better or if you could direct me somewhere where I can learn more.