Excuses That Make it Hurt
In December, I found out that my spouse was messaging prostitutes online and asking them to meet up. He had a secret Twitter account and had a severe porn addiction. I also later found out, he was trying to get attention from a former co-worker of his. He texted his co-worker 2 days after our 1 year anniversary asking her late at night what she was doing. He hid spending thousands on OnlyFans while I was struggling to save every penny I had.
We've been married for almost 3 years at that point. We've been together for over 10 years. I thought fidelity was an unspoken rule. We went through a difficult beginning of our marriage due to grief. I suppported him through everything and sacrificed my career to make sure he felt supported. Came to every family event. He made me feel like i wasn't doing enough for him and would start to get mad at me for the littlest things.
When I confronted the him with the messages I found with the prostitutes, he acted like he didn't remember. Then after a mental break down from him, he said he was so drunk, that he doesn't even remember all he did. I told him, when I'm drunk, I don't message prostitutes and fantasize about cheating. I don't post my nudes online pining for attention.
He has gone through so much, yet instead of trying to cherish what he has left- he couldn't wait to be with others and kept fantasizing about it. His grief/alcohol coping is not an excuse. I feel so disgusting that I believed his lies of why he wouldn't touch me. "I'm just so tired, I'm sad, long day..."
He even messaged a prostitute that I was right next to him and it wasn't enough. He cried like a baby when I confronted him. It's like he realized, he can't have both things.
Has anyone's partner used a tragedy as an excuse to cheat? I feel so alone most days. I felt like I didn't do enough, but now I realized- he has a problem, not me. I would never cheat on someone and go after another guy and think I have a free pass due to grief.