tl;dr I've become close friends with the wife of our friends. We are open about it and our spouses seem to support and encourage it. It feels weird to me.
I kinda want to make this clear. I'm not looking for an affair.
Here is my story. I'm 38, married, three kids, London UK. My wife and I are friends with another couple, as part of a wider friendship group. Have been for a couple of years.
Jack and Patricia have one kid, friends with our youngest. They are a really great family. We do a lot of stuff together and as a wider group. My marriage went through a rough patch where my wife had an emotional affair with a coworker at her former job last year. Jack was really the only person who knew some of this. I didn't want to damage his opinion of my wife so I limited what I said to him and other people I said nothing.He gave good advice.
My wife isn't around much due to the nature of her job (health) and I do most of the school / kid activities. This is where Patricia asked for my WhatsApp. It made sense, no point talking to my wife for her to message me. I can't say I was 100% comfortable, but I went with it.
Patricia has been very active in messaging me. Sometimes funny memes. Sometimes stuff for the kids. Sometimes just stupid stuff. We never talk or complain about spouses. She's become a good friend. This is where I'm a bit concerned. I've never really met someone like Patricia who is so proactive. She organises things for us to do. Initially it was only with the kids, then it was the occasional thing together with a shared hobby / interest.
My wife knows about the messages, as does Jack. Neither of them seem concerned or bothered. I seem to be the only one, my wife tells me it's all in my head and to enjoy the friendship.
The past six months, Jack has been leaning on me more and more to take Patricia to various things. Hair appointments, spa, shopping. She can't drive, so it kinda makes sense. The thing is, Jack sees no issue with it, my wife sees no issue with it, Patricia is ok and I do enjoy being friends with her. Maybe around two months ago, Patricia let me know Jack had told her about my wife's affair. She said she knew I was hurting, but that she couldn't imagine my wife feels good about what she did and there is a lot of shame. That if I can I need to forgive her. Again, no undermining of my wife or trying anything.
Last week, a friend of Jack's approached us in a cafe, and asked what was going on. Who was I and why was she ok to be with me? Where we having an affair. She told me he was another parent, and he'd hit on her and she rebuffed him. He went and told Jack. Jack brushed him off.
That's when it hit me. To almost anyone looking in, it would look like we are having a very brazen affair. This really bothered me.
Patricia and I still message multiple times a day. She still creates opportunities for us to be together. Last week, I was helping her plan a surprise anniversary for her husband. She never has said anything inappropriate to me, or proposed anything untoward. I've tried to talk to my wife about this and she must think I'm crazy.
I guess what I'm asking is why does Patricia make such an effort. Is such a friendship between opposite sex spouses normal? I sometimes wonder, does Patricia want more (I don't). Am I leading her on? Am I being naive?
tl;dr I've become close friends with the wife of our friends. We are open about it and our spouses seem to support and encourage it. It feels weird to me.