AITAH for calling my friend out for lying about an abortion
I (mid 30s) have been friends with this woman (mid 30s) for nearly 20 years, we've had our ups and downs with periods of not speaking to each other. From my end, I usually take space because she says/shares something inappropriate or not quite true to me or to someone else about me or she has gets passive aggressive. Example: When I moved back to our hometown, the wife and baby mama of someone we all knew asked her who I was and instead of saying ANYTHING about me, she told this women "Oh she slept with your husband." Friend told me this without blinking like it was a completely normal way to describe me and was shocked when I had a problem with it. Not only did I NOT sleep with that person but he had made up lies about me that has caused us to have a year long fight when we were 18. He and I were intimate when I was drunk but it did not go all the way and I was horrified about my actions because he had a girlfriend at the time. I called her out on it immediately but also took space for a while. This friend has many good qualities and I have seen her grow in many ways so we always find our way to resolve and I am sure she has her things that I have done that frustrate her.
I still notice her lying to herself/other people about small things and she still says very inappropriate things to people with complete innocence but...no one is perfect, right?
Recently she, as she is in the middle of a divorce, has been seeing someone new who sounds like an awesome person and she told me that she told him about her most recent abortion, which was news to me and would have been a year prior to her asking for a divorce. She said she told her new dude she got an abortion because of how her ex husband reacted to her pregnancy but then she told me it was a miscarriage. I asked for clarification because those are two different things and she told me that she had gotten a positive pregnancy test, her husband (at the time) had told her to do whatever she wanted to do, she decided to keep the baby (she had been talking for the last few years about wanting more children but her husband did not want them) and had "even" set up an appointment but 2-3 days before her appointment she got a very heavy period and realized she has miscarried due to the stress of her marriage. They already had two teenagers and the ex had a lot of issues.
After our conversation, the whole thing made me feel a lot of big emotions around how much her lies to herself and to others. The next time she reached out I told her exactly that. She does not think it was a lie because the miscarriage happened before "she actually made a choice" and thinks I am just being hurtful to her.
So AITH