Had the shittiest day… bridesmaid backed out of our wedding 😞
My friend (let’s call her Mary) agreed to being my bridesmaid a few months ago. She accepted and said she was so touched and excited.
Mary said a few weeks later another friend (let’s call her Ann — I don’t know Ann at all, we are not mutual friends) announced she was booking her wedding on the exact same day. Mary told me she was angry about this, because she said she had already told Ann the date of my wedding, who remarked “what a great date…”
After putting hers on the same date as me, Ann apparently just demanded Mary come to her’s instead. My friend was offended at her audacity, and told her she wouldn’t come. She announced all of this to me over brunch and I told her thanks for sticking with me.
But today, a month later, she told me in person that Ann suddenly asked her to also be a bridesmaid and issued an ultimatum, so she said she’s told Ann she’ll be in her wedding and is backing out of mine. They are coworkers, and their fiancées are closer than ours and she’s really sorry. She was in tears. She said she really didn’t want it to affect our friendship.
I told her I understand. I’m really disappointed but we can still be friends. I was shocked and it was in person so I was just kind of saving face.
But now I’m home and feel very hurt the more I reflect. I feel it’s a very mean thing to do — agree to be in a wedding and back out when you’ve gotten another offer. I hate that I told her we could still be friends. Would you say something else or just leave it alone?
I don’t know what to do… ask another girl or not. My fiancé asked just enough so we’d have the same number. Part of me feels bad and doesn’t want to offend another girl by asking her as a back-up, basically. I asked all the other bridesmaids at the same time with a whole proposal and introduced them to each other. I’m paying for the bachelorette stay, the dresses and everything so she wouldn’t have to pay anything extra. But I just feel like it would be awkward to ask her now, 6 months later. But I need to decide. We are sending STDs in a week and our wedding party is listed on our website, which all will see for the first time as the link is on the STD.
I have another wonderful, newer friend in mind who is already coming to the bachelorette. But TBH… I’m feeling some trust issues and don’t know that I want to put myself out there again by asking someone new.
Any kind words or thoughts welcome. Feeling really down.