first time experiencing things so lowkey need opinions
I’m a 21-year-old androgynous lesbian. My ex and I broke up three months ago, and honestly, it was the cruelest thing I’ve ever experienced. She was my first girlfriend, my first in everything, and even though we were only together for a year, it felt like so much longer because of how deeply I loved her. I loved her more than I loved myself.
From my point of view, I thought she treated me right while we were together. But when we broke up, everything just hit me all at once. I couldn’t function. I didn’t eat, I stayed in my room, I completely shut down. If my dad didn’t literally pull me out of that space and comfort me, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.
My friends got really worried, and they checked my phone. That’s when they saw what actually happened, and they told me straight up that she was being selfish, and that what I experienced might have been love bombing. I trust my friends a lot, so hearing that really made me start questioning everything.
What hurt even more was that just two weeks after we broke up, she was already with someone new, and this time it was a man. That part hurt in a completely different way.
Now, the pain is still here, but it’s not as heavy as before. There’s even this weird kind of comfort in it, like at least I know I won’t have to go through that kind of relationship again, that constant anxiety. But I still can’t forget her. She feels like a scar that’s just… there. She feels like a scar that won’t ever fully fade, no matter how much I try to move forward.
I’m trying to heal and choose myself now, but there’s still this quiet ache in my chest. Everything about that relationship was a first for me, especially as someone still figuring out my identity and my place in all of this.
Now I just feel confused about what to do next. Should I forgive her? Will forgiving her make the pain go away, or is this just something I have to learn to live with while I heal?