u/CulturallyUncultured

I'm lonely. And even tho I have a friend whom I can talk to about most things, I don't think I can go to them for everything. I cry a lot to my best friend and I can tell it really burdens him. A lot of the time I cry because I did something to upset them. So when I go to him when I'm really upset and stuff he says it makes him feel bad. It makes him feel like he can't go to me when I do something that upsets him. He says I can't take criticism very well and that I just say sorry to stop the argument.

and I think the thought of having no one I can go to about stuff like this makes me really sad. I feel alone when that happens. I feel like I'm keeping a bad secret from him and I don't wanna do that.

But I've tried talking to him and nothing ever gets better when I talk to him about this stuff. So I just wanna keep being his good friend without going to him about it.

Recently I saw a tiktok about Rhett and Link and I found the message was very relatable. Link apparently felt like sometimes he had to "dim his light" or to try and be "less" because he was too much for the people around him. Rhett hated having to tell him that. He said "it can become kind of an exhausting thing" to be around someone who just says and does everything he thinks of all the time. And link admitted to not wanting "other ppl to have a bad time because I’m having the time of my life”.

I can understand both points of view. I understand Rhett because he feels the way my best friend probably feels. He's probably exhausted of me. He probably gets tired of covering for my mistakes, poor words and actions. He's tired of dealing with my apologies and excuses and complaints.

And I understand link. Because to him it feels like "fixing" yourself. It feels like apologizing for things you never intended to come across that way. And it feels like being misunderstood, always being the bad guy, and never just being able to be without upsetting the ppl around you. It feels lonely to feel this way. It feels like I'm the only one who acts like this. The only one to be scolded for their actions being "wrong" for something natural to be incorrect.

Everyone else seems to get along fine but I can't go two days without upsetting my best friend. I know he'll never stop being my friend but it's so upsetting always feeling like I can't go to him about it. Because whenever something bad happens it's my fault and I can never come crying to him about my own arguments with him. He's sick of my crying. He feels like everything is my fault always. I don't even always know what it's about. I just say the most careless stuff and I can't take any of it back. I wish I could say it won't happen again but it always does. I just wish it wouldn't happen as often.

Im tired of always being the problem. I just want to quit and be gone from this job so I can not see my friend as much. Maybe we'd be better friends if we saw each other less. And that thought makes me more sad and lonely than anything else.

Edit:

(link to the tiktok that sent me spiraling)

I'm depressed and I can't tell my best friend so I'll tell you guys

I'm so tired of always being too much for people