What should I do guys???
Okay guys, this is my first post on Reddit. I'm mostly a reader and commenter, but I'm desperate and really need advice right now. I, (15M), have always had a tempestuous relationship with my parents, and what I mean is: since I was little, we've always been very close and all that, but they've always been very strict, like, really strict. Details that will be important later: my parents are devout evangelical Christians and they control me with that damn family link. They also used to hit me to punish me, and I thought that was normal until I was 12. When I was 12, I accidentally hit my brother in the nose with my elbow and almost broke his nose. My dad hit me until I was bruised, but then apologized, it's always been like that. A few days later (aside from that, I've always had anger issues), I exploded in math class for some reason I don't remember anymore and yelled that I had been beaten too much the next day and stuff. About two weeks later, we received a notification from child protection services wanting to know if there had been a case of abuse in my house. My parents trained me to answer exactly what I had to answer so we wouldn't look bad, and that's what I did. After a long process, it was dismissed, and they even gave me a gift I wanted because of it. But during this process, not that I started breaking rules on purpose, but I wasn't as afraid of getting beaten up for doing simple, normal things that they considered absurd. Since then, they tell me I no longer respect their authority. It always happens, on average twice a month, something simple I do that they consider an affront and they punish me. They block my phone, don't let me leave the house, ignore me, are cold towards me, and act as if I were a criminal. There have even been cases where they didn't let me go to school. I hate school, but sometimes it's better to be at school than with them. These situations only resolve themselves when I finally apologize (something I don't even do anymore because I want to, just to get it over with quickly) and have a long talk about respect and such. Last weekend, two such damn incidents happened. On Saturday, I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting my watch back on my wrist, and I had left my towel on the edge of my bed, but it fell to the floor and my dad went crazy. Frustrated because I had homework to do and both my hands were occupied, I awkwardly threw the towel onto a chair. My dad looked at me as if I had insulted even his grandfather and left. He was cold with me and blocked my phone for the rest of the day. I just got tired and apologized before going to bed that night, and it was resolved. On Sunday, I got some designs on my arm like tattoos (I like them, I want to get them when I'm 18, but they go crazy over them) and forgot about them, especially since I spent the whole day with a jacket covering my arm. Near nightfall, that damn bastard, my younger brother, saw my drawings. When we were at dinner, he kept asking me to show him my arm and stuff. I remembered and ignored him, but my parents got suspicious, and before I went to sleep, he yelled at me and told me to show him my arm. He yelled at me for ten minutes, told me to wash my arm, and promised serious consequences. I didn't sleep that night; he kept walking around and breathing outside my door and even next to my bed. Early in the morning, he came into my room and took my cell phone. He said I'd be without it and everything indefinitely. Which sucks for me because I'm finally making progress with my crush and I spend all day waiting for messages from her. Oh, and what's more, my parents get mad because I'M UPSET about the punishments they give me. Then he came and asked me if I'd prayed about it. Look, they raised me as a Christian my whole life, I never thought about my faith or even if I believe in it, I do it out of habit. I said this and he told me to think about it. I'm not going to think about it. Now we're in this strange situation where even though I apologized, nothing changed and they act like I'm a criminal, they don't give me privileges and have been psychologically abusing me my whole life, and I don't know what to do. Please help me.