How do I make closer friends?
I have what I would have considered a small group of close friends (about 4-5 people). We all met in college and have kept in touch at least about big life things. One of these friends I talk with at least a couple of times a month and two of the friends (a couple) I see maybe once every 6 weeks or so at their place (they have a kid so going out is harder for them). We all live within an hour of each other.
I’ve never gotten to see them frequently after college, but I’ve always felt I could rely on them. Last year I had a major surgery, developed complications which necessitated two more surgeries, and went through a month-long hospital stay, and had more than one close call. I was out of work for close to two months. During this time I got one visit from the couple and their son for about 30mins. And had a phone call or two with my friend I usually talk to. That’s it.
I didn’t want to put the blame on everyone else though and wanted to take responsibility for my circumstance. It could have been that they didn’t have the capacity to set life aside to call or visit, or maybe I hadn’t made it clear that I wanted some support or engagement during that time. Considering this, I decided to try to meet more people.
I joined an online “bad movie” watching group, which has been great, but it is online so it’s a bit harder for me to connect with people. I also joined a local board game group which has been the best thing I’ve done for my mental health (as someone who lives alone and works from home) but it’s difficult for me to move past the casual engagements with people.
I had my fifth surgery recently (still recovering) and had put out beforehand to my friends that I’d love a call or visit at some point if they were up for it, but I’ve only ever gotten check-in texts from one of them and a call from my friend I regularly talk to.
I know there are issues with self worth as well as self-protection going on internally which I’m sure are contributing to some of the difficulties, but I really don’t know how to communicate “I am looking for a friend and would like to be closer with you.”
Probably also doesn’t help that I was homeschooled or that people are consistently shocked that I am a highly anxious person because I hide it so well.
I don’t know if this belongs here, but I don’t have any of these issues at work because I fully understand what I am responsible for, what someone else is responsible for, what the expectations are, and when to ask for help.
Thanks for your advice in advance.