I’m done with him.
He didn’t even do anything wrong, to be very honest. He’s a perfectly lovely person. He’s cute, very fit, very hygienic, has a lovely home, is kind, gentle, caring and on paper sounds perfect, so it should be enough, right? I mean, I spent so many weeks knowing that he has feelings for me and then he confessed and I was over the moon, so I should be ecstatic that we’ve been going for four months strong, right? But I just can’t bring myself to be. Not anymore. We’re two very different people. I knew that, and so did he. We discussed it. He confessed that he likes that about us and he has friends he can pursue his hobbies anyway. I pointed out that we have nothing in common and he pointed out that we’re both in our thirties, intentionally childfree, and that’s already a huge plus for the both of us. We have been dating for four months now. He did confess in the beginning that he’s not sure if he can fall in love again and he’s slow with feelings. So he never lied. But when I asked him two weeks back if there’s at least something different and he said no…something in me switched off. I didn’t realise it then, because the logical part of me understood, but I guess the emotional part of me just…stopped caring at that point. I was in the last week of a month-long vacation away from him at the time. I returned, fully intending to perhaps talk with him about it or maybe even break it off, but to my surprise, he had a gift for me when we met. He even stayed up till late at night on a Sunday night helping me solve it. And at that point I thought, okay, that’s proof that something is happening…not everyone is good with words after all, so that should be enough, right? Well, this weekend, there was nothing. We met, we barely held hands, kissed or even hugged. He stayed up late to watch a movie with me, so that’s that. But otherwise, nothing. As I was leaving the next day, he noted, several times, to his credit, that I seemed distant and he asked me to stay longer since he didn’t want me to leave like that, so I did. And I thought I was okay after that. But today morning, again, I’m not.
I need someone who’s excited to see me, who can’t wait to touch me, hold me, be with me. I need someone who prioritises me, and he doesn’t. And honestly, that’s fine. I just don’t think we should be with each other. I know that I will break it off with him soon. I can feel it. My body has already stopped responding to him. I didn’t even realise when it happened but now that I know, I can’t walk away from this feeling…or lack of it thereof.
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m making this post, or what I’m looking for. Maybe I need someone to tell me that this is normal and I’m being unreasonable. Maybe I need someone to tell me that they understand and they’ve been through it. I don’t know. I’ve never broken it off with someone who’s done nothing wrong to me. And I don’t know how to feel about it.
TL;DR: I’m breaking up with a good person and I’m not sure how to feel about it.