Hi Reddit,

I wear a wig because my scalp is sensitive and tender, and it's hard for me to manage my hair while dealing with my current academic obligations. I haven’t seen anyone with my style of wig and often get alot of compliments like "your hair is amazing". Random people would literally stop me in the grocery store just to stare and compliment me. I just say thank you because it feels uncomfortable and embarrassing for me to disclose that I'm wearing a wig everytime this happens.

There's this girl in my class- let's say her name is Mary. Everytime I saw her, she would keep asking questions about my hair. She would ask things like:

What do you use in your hair?

Can I touch it?

It is crotchet?

Is it a sew in?

Is it a wig?

Since we have similar hair types and can relate to the associated challenges, I felt it was safe to trust her. She even told me about some personal challenges with her hair from sourcing the right products to the time taken to do her hair. One day, she showed up to class in a wig but stopped wearing it after a while. She later told me that it was causing rashes on her neck. I did not want to lie to her; so, when she kept pressing me about my hair, I opened up to her and confirmed that it is a wig.

Well turns out she's been going around telling everyone (mostly women) in our class that I am wearing a wig.

Now people who rarely talk to me are asking me all sorts of invasive questions like "Did you dye it?"- knowing full well, it's a wig and is clearly testing if I am going to lie. Moreover, people keep asking to touch my hair which makes me very uncomfortable. However, I feel like saying no is rude so most times I just let them do it anyways.

My silent breaking point was when Mary openly joked while we were sitting next to each other in class that she if we go to the pool together she will pull my wig off my head. She said this where others could have overheard and felt like an attack. I just uncomfortably chuckled and went along with it so as to not alert her to my discomfort. On that same day, I was cleaning my work station which sparked a conversation between me, Mary and another girl about my "germophobic ways". I was explaining that I have to shower everyday expecially after being outside and the girl asked , "What about your hair?" (asking if I wash my hair everyday but lowkey felt like the question was implying that I don't wash it regularly).

######Quick Side Note (feel free to ignore)

Due to my hair type, I don't wash my hair daily because washing too frequently can strip it of its natural protective oils leading to damage. Plus it does not get greasy easily. I do wash my hair and wig once per week which is enough to keep it fresh and clean for my lifestyle.

#####

So, when the girl asked me about my hair, Mary jumped in and said, "her hair is under there."- referring to me and meaning that my real hair was under the hair you're seeing (essentially exposing that I am wearing a wig). It felt like a stone was logged in my lungs as my chest felt heavy. Mary said it again; "her hair is under there." (I guess to make sure the girl understood what she was implying).

I was truly hurt by this attempt to humiliate me. What's worse is that, Mary and I are the only black girls in that class so it felt like a betrayal to see her treat me this way. Since then, I've been avoiding her (but still polite when we meet) because it honestly scares me how someone can just bare ill will towards you for no good reason. I truly thought we had a connection. Her natural hair is beautiful and I have often complimented her on it.

The only reason why I don't wear my natural hair out is because I will have to comb it more often and it is very painful for me due to my sensitive scalp. I tend to do large and loose plaits/twists in my natural hair to relieve the tension on my scalp but they make me look like some monster out of Silent Hill or Hellraiser so don't wear them in public.

A part of me feels guilty for lying to the world about my hair, but I also feel that it is no ones business. So, should I be obligated to tell people that I am wearing wig when they comment on my hair?

Am I overthinking things, or is Mary jealous of me over a literal wig?

Which is wild because anyone can buy or make one.

Am I completely delusional?

I would appreciate an external point of view.

Hi Reddit,

I wear a wig because my scalp is sensitive and tender, and it's hard for me to manage my hair while dealing with my current academic obligations. I haven’t seen anyone with my style of wig and often get alot of compliments like "your hair is amazing". Random people would literally stop me in the grocery store just to stare and compliment me. I just say thank you because it feels uncomfortable and embarrassing for me to disclose that I'm wearing a wig everytime this happens.

There's this girl in my class- let's say her name is Mary. Everytime I saw her, she would keep asking questions about my hair. She would ask things like:

What do you use in your hair?

Can I touch it?

It is crotchet?

Is it a sew in?

Is it a wig?

Since we have similar hair types and can relate to the associated challenges, I felt it was safe to trust her. She even told me about some personal challenges with her hair from sourcing the right products to the time taken to do her hair. One day, she showed up to class in a wig but stopped wearing it after a while. She later told me that it was causing rashes on her neck. I did not want to lie to her; so, when she kept pressing me about my hair, I opened up to her and confirmed that it is a wig.

Well turns out she's been going around telling everyone (mostly women) in our class that I am wearing a wig.

Now people who rarely talk to me are asking me all sorts of invasive questions like "Did you dye it?"- knowing full well, it's a wig and is clearly testing if I am going to lie. Moreover, people keep asking to touch my hair which makes me very uncomfortable. However, I feel like saying no is rude so most times I just let them do it anyways.

My silent breaking point was when Mary openly joked while we were sitting next to each other in class that she if we go to the pool together she will pull my wig off my head. She said this where others could have overheard and felt like an attack. I just uncomfortably chuckled and went along with it so as to not alert her to my discomfort. On that same day, I was cleaning my work station which sparked a conversation between me, Mary and another girl about my "germophobic ways". I was explaining that I have to shower everyday expecially after being outside and the girl asked , "What about your hair?" (asking if I wash my hair everyday but lowkey felt like the question was implying that I don't wash it regularly).

######Quick Side Note (feel free to ignore)

Due to my hair type, I don't wash my hair daily because washing too frequently can strip it of its natural protective oils leading to damage. Plus it does not get greasy easily. I do wash my hair and wig once per week which is enough to keep it fresh and clean for my lifestyle.

#####

So, when the girl asked me about my hair, Mary jumped in and said, "her hair is under there."- referring to me and meaning that my real hair was under the hair you're seeing (essentially exposing that I am wearing a wig). It felt like a stone was logged in my lungs as my chest felt heavy. Mary said it again; "her hair is under there." (I guess to make sure the girl understood what she was implying).

I was truly hurt by this attempt to humiliate me. What's worse is that, Mary and I are the only black girls in that class so it felt like a betrayal to see her treat me this way. Since then, I've been avoiding her (but still polite when we meet) because it honestly scares me how someone can just bare ill will towards you for no good reason. I truly thought we had a connection. Her natural hair is beautiful and I have often complimented her on it.

The only reason why I don't wear my natural hair out is because I will have to comb it more often and it is very painful for me due to my sensitive scalp. I tend to do large and loose plaits/twists in my natural hair to relieve the tension on my scalp but they make me look like some monster out of Silent Hill or Hellraiser so don't wear them in public.

A part of me feels guilty for lying to the world about my hair, but I also feel that it is no ones business. So, should I be obligated to tell people that I am wearing wig when they comment on my hair?

Am I overthinking things, or is Mary jealous of me over a literal wig?

Which is wild because anyone can buy or make one.

Am I completely delusional?

I would appreciate an external point of view.