So, it's the middle of the night so this my be sleepy jargon, but I'd like to mention first that I've been professionally diagnosed with adhd, autism, and ocd.
I've gone into two depressive episodes (I believe) in which I was hospitalised and I live with my parents since they don't trust me to be alone. For a while I slept on a camper bed beside there's and had to have someone in the room when I shower because they were so worried. I wasn't allowed to have scissors even! I've just gained freedom again though!
My parents kinda act wigged out by my sh scars but they are really nice still. My room is constantly a mess and I sleep too much and stress eat and my parents think I'm just a lazy pig, they just don't say it, and I struggle with hygiene. Sometimes I feel like my mental state and the way they tolerate it is conditional. Sometimes they're really understanding and other times they're fed up.
I do see how living with me can be very frustrating, I'm frustrated by myself too. I always feel really depressed or too hyper so I struggle to focus or just call asleep all the time. I feel paranoid that I'm gonna get fired and I get paranoid that my friends and strangers hate me. When someone isn't being enthusiastic and happy while talking to me I feel so sad and rejected.
I feel like that makes being my friend difficult since a lot of friends like that, teasing and sarcasm, and I want to like that but I get really confused. Someone on reddit actually offered to k me the other day and I was so horrified but tempted. I ended up saying no tho
I feel extra isolated because, despite being 18, I can't drive, I'm still home-schooled, I don't have a licence or student ID which makes it difficult to prove my age. Basically I feel far too dependent on family but i WOULD be lost without them. I'm not even allowed to be alone for to long or go for a walk alone or have a bath because they're so worried.
Sometimes I struggle to get up or stay awake or focus and my mama days "it's not cute" which makes me sad and embarrassed. Sorry for the long rant! ily 💗