Said her piece then blocked me.
Problem/Goal: Trauma dumps on me then leaves me hanging EVERY SINGLE TIME. I never lashed out at her and keeps everything inside me. For 7 years. I want to be able to release these emotions kasi para kong sasabog everytime.
Context: Our relationship is kinda taking a hit on all sides right now. (Physically,mentally,financially etc,) so I understand that we're both very sensitive even with the smallest things. Last night I shared a post on threads vaguely saying that I wasn't happy with my life. It's true, I resigned from my job, mom got sick, dad also needs lots of attention, bills unpaid. Theres a lot of weight on my shoulders and the post resonated with me deeply thats why i shared it. Not because im unhappy with our relationship. And kanina lang nag send siya sakin ng napakahabang message saying something along the lines of "if you're not happy then why don't we just end this", "maybe you dont love me anymore", may isa pang paragraph dun na dedicated to demeaning herself, Hindi ako sapat ganto ganyan. Then she blocked me. Di man lang ako nakapagreply, and this happens everytime. I took it all. Everything. All her meltdowns, hinanakit sa buhay, problema sa trabaho, galit sa magulang, basta lahat ng rants niya in all context hindi lang sa relationship namin. i took it all and said nothing but calm her down and reason it out with her every single time. And lately naiisip ko parang di ko na kaya. She dumps everything on me samantalang ako walang mapagsabihan. Pano ako? Kanino ako pwede mag breakdown? Kanino ko sasabihin lahat ng stress ko sa buhay? Kung yung partner ko pinaparamdam sakin na puno palagi yung plato niya? Dapat ba ako lang yung understanding? Dapat ba ako lang yung mahaba yung pasensya? Dapat ba ako lagi yung nagreresolve ng problema? Bakit? Bakit ako lang?
Previous attempts: This wasnt the first time this happened, 7 years na kami eh medyo naging frequent lang yung gantong scenario kaya siguro napapaisip nadin ako. What i usally do is address the problem and reach her out through other means or personally go to her. Kinausap ko na din siya countless times before If I can be vulnerable to her too. Lagi naman niyang sinasabi na oo. Di ko lang maramdaman.
Eto na siguro pinakauna kong rant, kumakalma ko while typing this to the point na ayaw ko na siyang ipost kasi okay na ko hahahahaha.