AITAH for choosing my dog over my future wife
Hello everyone. I'm in a pretty big mental pickle and I'm reaching out for help and no idea where to turn.
My fiancée and I have been living together for 5 years now (proposed to her 3 years ago). For the most part, living with her is easy, we get along just fine, and we enjoy each other's company. About four years ago, we adopted a beautiful chocolate brown husky mix, and in the beginning she absolutely loved her! Playing, training, walking, and taking her to the park regularly. At the time, we had a large apartment, so space wasn’t an issue. However, after I lost my job during COVID, we had to move into a much smaller one-bedroom apartment. While we managed financially and adjusted by giving the dog more walks and park time, my fiancée started to feel overwhelmed, especially by the dog’s frequent whining for attention, which felt much more intense in the smaller space. She felt like she "couldn't escape her whining."
Over the course of about a year in that apartment, her feelings shifted from frustration to dislike, and eventually to outright hate. She stopped helping with feeding, walking, or engaging with the dog entirely, saying she only “puts up with it” because she knows how much I love her. This caused a lot of arguments at first, but eventually I took on full responsibility for the dog. Since then, we’ve moved to a larger apartment in another state after I secured a well-paying job, and there’s now plenty of space for both the dog and my fiancée to have separation. I hoped this change would improve things, but her attitude toward the dog has stayed the same or even gotten worse.
A recent situation that pushed me to make this post happened when I took a week-long vacation with friends and left my fiancée in charge of the dog. When I came back, it was obvious our dog had been kept in her crate almost constantly except for eating or going to the bathroom, which made me furious because it felt like outright animal abuse. When I confronted her, she just repeated that she “absolutely hates” the dog and that she needs to be rehomed. I initially resisted the idea, but when she pointed out that the dog would be happier with a yard, it genuinely got to me, and I agreed to start looking for a new home. I’ve since found someone willing to take her, but delays have pushed back the timeline, and every time I tell my fiancée the dog will be with us another week, she has an extreme reaction and even threatens to take her to the pound, which leads to major fights because I’m trying to make sure my dog ends up in a safe, loving home.
This takes us to today. She was supposed to start rehoming this weekend but the person has been dealing with pretty bad medical issues for the past few days. I haven't told my fiancée yet because I just already know it's going to lead to a massive fight. I want to rehome her on my terms but my fiancée is fed up with it, already saying "no matter what, she leaves this weekend." Speaking with friends, they warn me about my fiancée saying "if she's doing this to your dog, what if your future kids drive her crazy with their crying and screaming?" We've been having more frequent fights as of late and just makes me think this time, if she doesn't understand, then I'm just going to have to choose my dog over her.
I'd be losing friends, her family that I'm on great terms with, and any support in the state I'm in as my family is in an entirely different state. I feel financially I'll be fine alone but it's the mental cost of losing everything over my dog. However, I do also feel that maybe I'm the ass hole for considering that.
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For those who read the whole thing, thank you and I hope nothing but the best to everyone of you.