| (F25) have been struggling lately and I'm looking for some outside perspective. My boyfriend (M25) is currently in another country for school. I visited him a while back, but I haven't seen him in 4 months, and we still have 2 more to go. The distance is really starting to take its toll, and it's making me question everything.
We are usually good at talking about emotions, but lately, I feel like he gets annoyed with me much faster than he used to. He doesn’t want to call that often anymore, and when we do it’s quit short. Also when texting I feel like he takes way longer to respond. This triggers a cycle for me, I tend to go quiet when I'm sad or hurt. I eventually communicate the same day when we call and tell him how I feel, but the "annoyance" I sense from him makes me feel like a burden. I can't tell it I'm overthinking his reactions or if he's actually losing patience with me.
Even when he comes back, the situation isn't ideal. He's going to be working a lot, and I'm worried we still won't get quality time together. One of my biggest frustrations is that I feel like I'm the one who has to initiate plans or ask for time. The confusing part is that when we are physically together, everything is great. He plans things, and the connection feels real and easy. But as soon as we are apart, that version of him seems to vanish.
I feel incredibly guilty even thinking about breaking up. I keep telling myself to wait until he's back to see how it goes, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to visualize a long-term future given this current cycle. I would appreciate perspective on how to communicate this 'mental load' frustration without it coming across as a burden, and how to tell if this is just 'distance fatigue' or a fundamental compatibility issue. Has anyone else experienced a partner who is great in person but 'vanishes' emotionally when apart?
TLDR: LDR boyfriend is away for school. I feel like the mental load of planning and the emotional distance is becoming too much, but things are great when we are physically together.