u/CryBaby_0423

I think one of the saddest realizations a daughter can have is looking at her father and quietly thinking, “Ayoko mapunta sa lalaking katulad mo.”

Because fathers are supposed to shape your standards in a good way, right? Sila dapat yung unang example mo of how a woman should be loved, respected, and spoken to. But instead, my father became the reason why I overthink the way men treat women. The reason why tone matters so much to me. The reason why I pay attention to small efforts. The reason why the word “nonchalant” started sounding less like a personality trait and more like an excuse. The reason why my standards are high.

Four years ago, he cheated on my mom.

And I swear, people underestimate how much cheating affects children too. Akala nila kapag nag-stay yung parents together, okay na ulit lahat. Parang dapat move on nalang because “buo pa rin naman pamilya niyo.” But it doesn’t work like that. Hindi ganon kadali.

Something in me changed after that.

I still respected him because he’s my father, oo, pero I stopped admiring him the same way. Hindi ko na siya makita as someone I want to become like or someone I’d want my future husband to resemble. And ever since then, mas naging aware ako sa lahat.

The way he raises his voice at my mom over simple questions.
The way parang annoyed agad siya kahit maayos naman nagtatanong mom ko.
The way he barely puts effort during special occasions and just acts like it’s normal.

Today is Morher’s Day and there’s barely any effort. Her birthdays pass and it feels so painfully ordinary, like she’s just another day on the calendar. No flowers, no thoughtful gestures, no visible appreciation. Nakakainis lang kasi ako nalang lagi nag i initiate and if wala akong actions, wala na lang din.

And every time I point it out, my mom just says, “Ganyan lang talaga sila. Nonchalant kasi pamilya nila.”

I hate that word so much now.

Because why are women always expected to adjust around emotionally unavailable men? Bakit parang women always have to translate neglect into something softer just to protect themselves from disappointment? Since when did basic effort become too much to ask for?

Kasi honestly, from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look “nonchalant.”
It looks emotionally careless.
It looks cold.
It looks like a woman slowly getting used to asking for less because she got tired of being disappointed.

And maybe my mom learned how to live with that kind of love, but I know I never will.

Because I refuse to normalize being spoken to harshly.
I refuse to beg for emotional effort someday.
I refuse to settle for a man who thinks loyalty alone is enough after breaking trust once.

The cheating hurt, yes. Pero honestly? What stayed with me more was everything after it.

The lack of gentleness.
The lack of change.
The way my mom still adjusts herself emotionally around him.
The way she still defends him kahit minsan halatang nasasaktan na rin siya.

And it breaks my heart because my mom is such a loving person. She deserves softness too. She deserves someone who remembers important dates without being reminded. Someone who speaks to her kindly. Someone who makes her feel appreciated loudly, not just silently existing beside her.

I think that’s why I’m terrified of ending up in a marriage like theirs.

Ayokong umabot sa point na I’ll start shrinking my own expectations just to keep peace in a relationship.
Ayokong maranasan yung kind of love na technically nandiyan nga yung tao, pero emotionally you still feel alone. Ayokong marinig ng future children ko yung way a husband talks to his wife and think, “Normal lang yan.”

Because children notice everything.
Kahit hindi namin sabihin.
Kahit tahimik lang kami.

We notice the disappointment.
The tension.
The silence after arguments.
The way our mothers slowly stop expecting things because they got used to not receiving them.

And maybe people will think I’m disrespectful for saying this, but honestly, growing up around this kind of marriage changed me permanently.

It taught me that staying is not the same as loving properly.
It taught me that emotional neglect can hurt just as much as betrayal.
And it taught me that one of the loneliest things a woman can do is convince herself she’s asking for too much when all she really wanted was kindness.

So if there’s one thing I promised myself, it’s this:

I will never marry a man who makes me feel the way my father makes my mother feel. I will never marry a man like my father.

I want softness. Effort. Emotional maturity. Consistency. The kind of love that doesn’t make children afraid of becoming their mother someday. The kind of love that makes my future children wish to have in the future.

what to expect sa first week?

I’d rather be single than marry a man like my father.